The Journey Of A Milk Cow

One of the most amazing moments of Ashley's birth that often strikes out in my mind is that soon after Ashley was born, the nurse brought Ashley to my recovery room and the minute Ashley and Mommy had skin-to-skin contact, she latched right away to be breast fed. It's one of those most intimate feelings that is hard to describe with words.

During the next 3 days in the hospital, little Ashley and the new mom worked together trying to figure out how to do breast feeding. At those 3 days, milk didn't come in and all we got was colostrum and the latching wasn't working correctly for the most of the time. The first night, the nurse started hand expressed the milk after Ashley finished sucking and then gave her the rest of expressed milk. Often little Ashley would fall asleep after sucking so hard for while and Mommy ended with bruised and crapped nipples. By the 3rd day in the hospital, Ashley's weight dropped from 7 lb 3 oz to 6 lbs and 12 oz. Worrying about her weight, the doctor suggested Mommy to start pumping after each feeding and gave Ashley the pumped milk using a syringe. Those initial pumping was very painful. By the time we checked out of the hospital, the milk still hadn't come in fully and Ashley's weight dropped to 6 lbs and 8 oz.

I still vividly remembered the first day we got home from the hospital both Mommy and Daddy were so worried about Ashley not getting enough food. Daddy went and bought a can of formula and gave Ashley 1 oz of formula. Mommy continued to pump after each feeding. Miracle happened right away, Mommy's milk came in and Ashley had plenty of milk supply and never needed the formula again. Since then Mommy became a highly productive milk cow. Not only did Mommy have enough milk for Ashley, Mommy also had plenty of leftover milk after each feeding to save up. We never had to worry about not having enough milk.

For her first month of life, Mommy breastfed Ashley for the most of times and only a couple of times we fed her the breast milk with a bottle. By the 2nd month of her life, we started to try using bottle to feed Ashley. But Ashley was so used to be breastfed, she refused the bottle every single time (Really, who wouldn't? Human nipple is so much better than a rubber nipple and besides, it felt so warm to be cuddling next to Mommy!) During her meal time in the afternoon and evening, Mommy would go out so that Ashley wouldn't smell Mommy and PoPo or Daddy would try to feed her with a bottle. An hour or so after, Mommy would receive a phone call from PoPo and Daddy with Ashley crying on the background. The milk cow was asked to return to work. By the time I got home, I could hear Ashley's crying from parking lot, the minute I got home, Ashley saw her dearest milk cow and stopped crying immediately. She knew her milk cow was home and she had food again!

The bottle training went on for more than 2 months and Ashley still wouldn't drink from the bottle. By the end of 3 months, Mommy had to go back to work, and somehow, Ashley would need to and have to drink from the bottle. So we decided to do cold turkey on her and only offered her the bottle. The first day, the last time Ashley was breastfed was at 3AM, and every time we gave her the bottle, she would cry and fuzz, and then stopped and played, but still refused the bottle. For 18 hours, she refused to drink from the bottle. By 8 PM at night, she started to drink from the bottle. Thank God! What a relief! The 2nd day, she would fuzz and cry at each feeding session, but by the end, she would drink from the bottle each time. The 3rd day, she drunk from the bottle without any problem. YEAAAHHH!!!!

Although Mommy enjoyed and missed the closeness and the bonding from breastfeeding, and the most rewarding satisfied smile Ashley gave to Mommy at each feeding, we were concerned that if we alternated between breastfeeding and bottle feeding, Ashley might get confused or she might just refuse the bottle again. It was very difficult to get her to drink from the bottle finally, so we didn't really want to risk it despite how much Mommy enjoyed the breastfeeding. We decided to feed Ashley breast milk in a bottle and Mommy would continue to pump.

So the milk cow started her pumping journey since November 2008 and continued to provide plentiful of milk and save up lots of frozen milk in the freezer. The milk cow would pump out 29 oz to 27 oz of milk each day. Ashley was exclusively on breast milk the whole time. By 9 months, we decided to introduce formula. And of course stubborn Ashley refused to drink any formula. She could even taste the 2 oz of formula mixed with 2 oz of breast milk, and completely refused it. So we persistently offered her the formula at her first feed thinking that she might hungry enough to accept the formula. Slowly, Ashley accepted the formula. Since then, the highly productive milk cow got to slow down the milk production. The milk cow started to pump 6 times a day and slowly cut down to 2 pumps each month and milk production started from 29 oz, to 25 oz, to 21 oz and so on to 11 oz for 2 pumps. Meanwhile, we slowly increased the number of formula bottles from 1, to 2 and then to 3. Finally Ashley accepted the formula without any hesitation and she drunk both formula and breast milk alternatively.

At the end of last month, we planned to visit my parents in East Coast for a week, and Mommy and Daddy would go for a cruise for 5 days without Ashley. Since Ashley was turning 14 month old, it was time to for the milk cow to retire. No one had ever told me that weaning off the breast milk is as hard as getting breast milk. Mommy started to just pump once, and then every other day. Mommy was so engorged and painful for 4 days and finally thanks to the Chinese herbs, the milk production finally went away. After 11 months of pumping, the milk cow is officially retired!

Ashley now drinks formula and frozen breast milk alternatively (Yes, the milk cow actually had enough leftover milk to last Ashley maybe for another 2 months!) and probably completely forgot the taste of fresh breast milk. Mommy can no longer eat big meal, shovel spoons of ice cream directly from the box, have excuse for eating so much, and not worry about gaining weight. Instead, Mommy starts the calories counting days and mesmerizes those good old days.

Really, at the end, it's the milk cow who truly misses breastfeeding instead of little Ashley.

Home Alone With Ashley 5

Once again, Mommy is home alone with Ashley.

As usual, Ashley and Mommy played, read together in the mornings. After her morning nap and her lunch, Ashley accompanied Mommy to do grocery shopping and run some errands. We went to Ranch 99, Macys on Saturday, and Costco, Whole Foods on Sunday. After her afternoon naps, Mommy and Ashley walked to the pond at the neighbor complex, played and watched duckies On Saturday. And on Sunday, we went to the park. Ashley was all happy and silly. It was a lot of fun.

Then Monday came, Mommy took Ashley to get her first flu shot. By Monday night, Mommy started feeling sick. I just simply burned out of energy by looking after Ashley by myself, and running around all over the places for the last one and half months. Tuesday morning, Ashley started feeling sick too. She has some side effects from the flu shot, sneezing, coughing, stuffy nose, running nose, etc. Although her symptoms seem to be getting better, but she is still not quite 100%. I'm not sure if Mommy has infected Ashley or not. Meanwhile, Mommy is still sick with flu like symptoms.

Concern about the possibility of getting swine flu, Mommy went to the doctor yesterday. Luckily, the doctor said it was not swine flu, just upper respiratory infection.

Poor baby and poor Mommy. Hopefully Ashley gets better soon and hopefully Mommy recovers soon as well. It definitely has been tough with Ashley getting sick twice and Mommy being sick and being alone. What a month!

Home Alone With Ashley 4 - Part 2

Over the weekend, Ashley recovered completely from her first sickness. She is back to her usual happy, funny self. Not sure if spoon feeding her the milk while she was sick made her didn't want to drink much from the bottle or not. But over the weekend, I found myself spooning feeding Ashley milk after she didn't drink much from the bottle at most of the feedings. I didn't want her to get used to the idea, so I told the nanny not to spoon feed her any milk any more.

So, what did Daddy miss over these couple weeks?

1. Of course, he missed Ashley being sick. It was very tough looking after a baby let alone looking after a sick baby.

2. After almost 3 months since her first tooth appeared, her long-waited upper teeth are finally coming in! YEEAAAAH! I think there are two coming in at the same time. When I tried to touch her upper gum the last time, she bit down pretty hard. She can bite now!

3. Whenever I have dinner, I put Ashley on her high chair and every now and then when she gets bored, I go behind her chair and play peek-a-boo with her. She loves the game and giggles so much. She learns to play this fun game. A couple of times, I would sit on a little chair, Ashley would crawl over behind me and starts to giggling. And if I turn my head to catch her, she giggles even more. It's pretty funny just listening to her giggling out loud.

4. Ashley learned to drink from the straw! We had been giving her the cup that comes with a straw, but every time she either chewed on it, played with it or threw it away. The other day when I came home, the nanny told me that Ashley can drink from the straw! Ever since then, she gets the straw cup filled with water and she has been drinking a lot of water.

5. For some reasons, Ashley loves Mommy's hair clip. Every time she sees me with the hair clip, she would push my face aside so that she can grab the hair clip. Of course sometimes she just pulls it along with some hair and of course it hurts. She also loves to go behind my back while I'm sitting on the little chair, and tries to grab the hair clip and she would just burst out laughing. It must be funny to her, but at the same it's fun to Mommy to see Ashley giggling so hard.

6. Ashley recognizes duck! Last weekend, when I was at a store with her, there were some rubber ducks sitting on the counter. They look a bit different than her rubber ducks at home, but Ashley recognized them right aways. Her face lighted up, and she pointed to them and started babbling. The salesperson gave her one duck and she loves it.

7. Ashley loves to go out and is a social butterfly. She now knows to request to go out. She often points to outside or to the door and babbles, I think it means she wants to go out. And if you take out then, she is all happy. When she grows up, it won't surprise me that she becomes a party animal!

Home Alone With Ashley 4 - Part 1 / Ashley Is Sick

After being home for 4 days from his last trip, Daddy is away again for business trip since last Thursday. YES! AGAIN!!!!

The long weekend started smoothly. Ashley was her usual self, happy and playful. Untie Susan came and visited us. It gave Mommy a chance to slip out to do grocery shopping while Ashley was taking her nap. After her nap, we went for a walk around the neighborhood where Ashley saw lots of ducks swimming in the pond.

Sunday afternoon, Mommy took Ashley to Logan's first birthday party. Logan is one of the babies in Ashley's play group. All babies in the play group were born around the same time. Ashley had a lot of fun playing here.

Things started going to the opposite direction Sunday evening. For some reason, Ashley refused to eat any solid food for dinner on Sunday evening. Mommy tried to give her different types of food, she refused all of them even her favorite Beef Carrot and Corn. Running out of ideas, Mommy decided to give Ashley some avocados. Ashley took some of them but she then threw up on the some piece of avocado. Mommy then smashed the avocado, again Ashley took some and then threw up again and she still refused to eat or drink anything. With no choice, Mommy put Ashley to sleep. It was about 9 PM.

Soon after Ashley went to sleep Sunday night, she woke up crying at 12 midnight, then at 2AM, 4AM and 6AM. She had high fever. Mommy tried to rock her to sleep for 20 minutes each time, but she was still crying. At the end, Mommy just sat with her in the rocking chair until she felt asleep.

Labor Day Monday was probably the toughest. Ashley had high fever the whole day despite the Tylenol Mommy gave her. She refused any baby food, just took some milk. She was uncomfortable, fuzzy, cranky and in pain, and was crying all the time. Mommy had to hold her and hug her constantly. At the moment I put her down, she would start crying. Mommy even had to go to the bathroom holding Ashley. Ashley normally crawls so fast, but she must feel so bad that she crawled in slow motion, like a little snail.

Monday night, Ashley woke up again every two hours crying with high fever. Even her hands and feet were so hot. I gave her some more Tylenol and tried to put a cold towel on her head but she pushed away. I tried to feed her some liquid, but she hardly had any. She was obviously in pain, but I couldn't do much except holding her, hugging her, comforting her, giving her a lot of love, and singing to her in the rocking chair until she felt asleep.

Mommy was so exhausted Tuesday. It was so difficult for one person to look after a sick baby, so Mommy decided to take a day off looking after Ashley with the nanny. The nanny and I took turn holding Ashley, feeding her and comforting her. she still had high fever and was still cranky and fuzzy. It was very painfully to see Ashley so uncomfortably in pain yet she couldn't tell you what was wrong with her. Poor baby! Mommy just wished that I was the one who was sick instead of her, and that I could just give her the immunity she needed to fight off the sickness.

She still refused to eat any baby food and by Tuesday afternoon, she only had less than 12 oz of milk. Worrying about her, Mommy decided to take Ashley to see the doctor with the help of the nanny. The doctor checked her out and said there were 3 possibilities. One, she got the fever from her 1 year vaccines. Two, her upper teeth are coming in and that might causes fever. Three, she might have stomach flu. The doctor said that a healthy baby's immune system will fight it off the virus, and in a couple more days she should be better. She asked us to make sure she has enough fluid intake and at least has 2 wet diapers, and that we might have to force feeding her liquid so that she won't be dehydrated. If she is dehydrated, we have to take her back to the doctor and they can do IV to her. But of course that's the last choice.

After we got home, both the nanny and I spoon fed Ashley some more milk, but the whole day she had around 17 oz of milk only. Tuesday night, she was still waking up every couple of hours but her fever seemed to be better.

Wednesday, Mommy took another day off. Ashley's fever seemed to be gone by the end of the day, but she was still hardly eating any baby food, just some milk. But she seemed to have a bit more energy. Wednesday night, she still woke up every now and then, but she didn't cry and didn't have fever any more.

Thursday morning, Ashley's fever was gone and she seemed to be better although Mommy noticed that she had some rash on her forehead. So Mommy decided to go back to work. In the afternoon, after calling the nanny, I found out that Ashley had rash breaking out all over her body. So I decided to call the doctor again. After some discussion, the advised nurse told me that what Ashley had is the childhood virus, Roseola. It happens to most babies between 6 months to 2 year old. The rash comes in after the high fever is gone, and the rash should disappear in 1 to 2 days.

Thursday night, Ashley was better and was able to have a little bit solid food. On Friday, she started to eat more baby food. So, after about almost 1 week, Ashley is recovered from her first sickness. Mommy is so exhausted and burned out, but at the same time is so relieved to see Ashley back to her happy self. Her energy level started to come back slowly and she is starting to crawl faster and faster.

What a week!

Home Alone With Ashley 3

Once again, Daddy is away for business trip during this week!

Last Saturday, Autie Susan came to visit and hung out with us. Ashley wasn't shy nor did she show any sign of stranger anxiety. It only took her about 5 minutes or so to warm up and she was having lots of fun playing with Autie Susan. Mommy even got to slip away to pump for 20 minutes and Ashley didn't even fuzz!

Sunday, Mommy took Ashley to visit Autie JW and her new baby girl. JW's baby girl is just over 2 months old and she also has a 5 year old daughter Kathy. Kathy loves Ashley and Ashley loves to play with Kathy. Ashley was even curious about the little baby and wanted to pull herself up by the stroller to check out the baby. I guess kids/babies just love each other. Ashley had a lot of fun crawling around and playing with Kathy. She got a new toy from Autie JW and Kathy and it plays music. Ashley automatically bounced her body when she heard the music playing. It cracked everyone up.

One morning while Mommy was laying around on the floor after feeding Ashley, Ashley crawled over and laid next to Mommy. All the sudden, Mommy heard Ashley screamed in excitement, it took several seconds for Mommy to look up. And Mommy saw Ashley standing next to Mommy without any support! Somehow she managed to pull herself up from laying position. It might last for at least 10 seconds! Mommy was very impressed.

The nanny discovered the club house from the apartment complex across from us. She has been taking Ashley there in the afternoon to play. There are 4 little toddlers that meet there regularly. Apparently Ashley has a lot crawling around following and playing with other kids

Overall, Ashley was a good baby this week. She went to sleep about 8PM and woke up between 6:30 AM to 7 AM everyday except one night she woke up crying after she slept for 2 hours and it took her 1 hour to fall back to sleep after Mommy comforting her.

Daddy is coming back tomorrow just in time for Ashley's first birthday!

Birth of Ashley 4

Ashley's first birthday is coming up this Sunday, I'd better finish her birth story! :-)

------------------------------------------------------
Once I decided to go for C-section, the nurse started preparing me and AJ for the operation room. I signed whole bunch of paperwork, and AJ was putted on the blue medical suit. I was pretty calm at this moment, the nurse said to me, "You handle it much better than a lot of people." Well, what else could I do? I remember telling AJ to make sure to bring the camera and the camcorder, and told him to follow the baby if they took him/her outside of operation room.

They packed all our belongings underneath the patient's bed and pushed me to the operating room, and here I was in the operation room about to be cut open! They told AJ to wait outside until they settled everything, I don't remember when he was allowed to come in. I was transferred to another bed. They asked me to stretch both of my arms out and tied my arms down on the bench to prevent me from moving. I felt like a pig getting ready to be butchered. The anesthesiologist started to give me local anesthesia while the nurse started to sanitize me.

Soon after, the anesthesiologist told me that he was going to poke me and asked me to let him know if I could feel anything. He started from the leg, to the hip, to the tummy, to the mid body, to the chest, to the shoulder, and finally it was around my neck that I started to feel a little bit. I remembered from the birth class that for local anesthesia, you were supposed not to feel anything from chest down, but I could not feel anything from the neck, and I thought to myself that maybe it was too much anesthesia?

For some reason, the nerves kicked in and my whole body started to shake uncontrollably, I screamed, "I'm shaking!!" the nurse and the doctor tried to calm me down by saying that it was due to the anesthesia and the hormone from the labor and it was normal. Soon the attending physician, pediatrician, pediatrician's nurse, my doctor's assistants all came in, there were probably about 9 doctors/nurses in the room. The surgery was about to start.

Then I heard the attending physician asked AJ, "when the baby is about to come out, do you want me to let you know, so that you can stand up and take some pictures?" AJ replied right away, "No, thanks, I'll stay on this side." We had this discussion before and he didn't want to see any bloody scenes, he's a south side kind of guy. "Oh ok, then pass me the camera and I'll take some photos for you!" The attending physician offered. He did indeed take some priceless photos.

Next I heard my doctor said to me, "We're going to make an incision and you might feel some tingling." Well, I could not feel anything at all. My body was shaking harder and harder, I screamed, "I'm shaking very badly!" Someone then told me to focus on something else, but really how could I? The shaking continued and then slowly I felt I couldn't breathe, so I screamed again, "I can't breathe!" The attending physical then told me that they were monitoring the oxygen intake and everything looked fine. But I still felt that I was having hard time breathing. I bet it was probably the overdosed of anesthesia that numbed my lungs. I truly believed it was due to that, I later vomited all the food my mom made me eat while in the operation room. Now I know why they tell you not to eat anything before the labor!

Then I started to feel sleeping and started to falling asleep. But wait! I remembered from the birth class that local anesthesia during the C-section was not supposed to put you to sleep and you were supposed to stay awake when the baby is born. I bet it was the overdosed of anesthesia that's making me sleepy! I wanted to stay awake for the birth of baby, so I screamed one more time, "I'm falling asleep! I'm falling asleep!!"

The attending physician wanted to keep me await for the magic moment, so he started to ask me a bunch of questions so that I could stay awake. "Where are you from?" "Are any of your family here?" "How did you stay in shape while you are pregnant? ..... I struggled fighting the sleeping bugs and tried to answer those questions. I had to thank him for trying so hard to keep me awake though!

"Ok, we're going to press on your tummy to get the baby out. You might feel some pressure on your tummy." My doctor said to me again. Well, I could hardly feel anything. Several seconds later, I heard some crying! And the doctor said, "Dad, you wanna tell mom what you have?" We didn't find out the gender of the baby while I was pregnant, I wanted a surprise. "It's a girl!" It was a surprise indeed. Either way would be a pleasant surprise.

While they cleaned up the baby, my doctor said, "Oh, look that's why the baby wasn't handling the labor! Her umbilical cord was tied in a knot!! And it wrapped around her neck twice!" Geez, this could have turned very bad, baby with umbilical cord tied in a knot can not be born virginally. She must been doing a lot of gymnastic inside my tummy! Had I known about this, I couldn't come back home the very first time I came to the hospital; I couldn't go to the airport! Instead, I could have stayed in the hospital the first time we came. Luckily, everything turned out OK! It was definitely a right choice to do C-section

A few minutes later, after they cleaned and weighed the baby, AJ brought the baby to me. It was the most magical moment of my life, everything else just seemed to disappear, all the pain and tiredness just went away and the time just seemed to be frozen, I would never ever forget this moment.

Here she is, the baby I had waited for 10 months; the baby that I felt in love the very first time I saw her heart beat on the ultrasound; the baby that has been kicking around for months inside of my tummy! At the very first second we saw each other, she locked her eyes with mine, she knew who her mother is! She was still crying loudly, yes, she got very healthy lungs! I started mumbling, "Hi peanut! It's ok, it's ok, everything is ok, mommy is here...." Her eyes never moved away from me. She is such a very beautiful healthy baby! Baby wrinkle? Not this baby! Her skin is as smooth as silk. Pale purple looking baby? Not this baby! She's so pink and glowing! She's the most perfect gorgeous angelic baby!

I kept on staring the baby, and then I turned my head and said to AJ, "Oh, she got your skin!" To my surprise, I saw some watery eyes on AJ. Really, this is a guy who hardly shows any of his emotions at all, a big 6 foot 2 inch guy. This must really mean something to him. I would never forget this. It's imprinted in my memory!

So, here we were, a week earlier than her due date, after more than 24 hours of labor and a very eventful day, and some scares here and there, we welcomed our beautiful and healthy baby, Ashley. She was born at 6:35 PM, August 30th, 2008, measured 19.5 inch and weighed 7lb 3oz.

Welcome to the wonderful world, Ashley!

Birth of Ashley 3

During the drive to the hospital, I was still silent and contractions just hit harder and harder. I couldn't breath, couldn't talk and every inch of my body just seemed to be in pain. The idea of doing natural birth started to shake, I mumbled to AJ, "I don't know how long I am going to last without epidural. I think I'm going to ask for epidural. This is too much to handle."

I remember us rushed pass the security at the hospital as they could see in the pain in my face. In the elevator, I had to bend over and lean on the wall as the contraction struck again. It really felt like the end of everything.

It took a while before the nurse checked us in and she ran the same tests as the first time.

"You're now 4 cm dilated and 100% effaced."

"What?! That's all? It has been more than 10 hours since I was checked last. I was at 2 cm and 35%!" I cried out.

I thought to myself, geez, all that pain went to effacement, and only 2 more cm? I couldn't imagine how much more painful it would get and how much longer it would take to be 10 cm dilated? Another 20 hours? or more???

At that point, I knew I had to ask for epidural.

"On the scale of 1 to 10, 10 best the most painful. What's your pain level?" The nurse asked again.

"10! 10! 10! 10!" I screamed without any hesitation. Really, is there 20? It felt like 20!!!

"Do you want epidural?"

"YES! PLEASE!"

"Ok, we'll check you in. The time has come."

Finally, more than 20 hours after the contraction started, I was checked to a hospital room. It was August 30, 2009 around 2PM.

The hospital I went to is a teaching hospital and residents are the ones who give epidural. I always felt very uncomfortable having resident applying epidural on me. So I wanted to ask for the attending physician.

The anesthesiologist soon after I was checked in. He started giving me a bunch of information and asking some questions. I remember one of the questions was,

"What was your pain level on the scale of 1 to 10?"

"10! 10! 10!" Geez, can't you guys just give me the epidural??!!

Once he finished asking questions. It was my turn to interview him.

"What year are you on as a resident?"

"3rd"

"How many epidural have you done?"

"About 200."

"What was the worse come out from your patient?"

"...."

"Well, I'm sorry, I don't feel too comfortable having a resident to give me epidural. Can I have the attending physician to do it?"

"Any particular reason why you don't feel uncomfortable about it?"

"Not really. I just don't feel comfortable."

After a phone call, he said, "OK, the attending physician will come."

While the nurse and the resident were preparing me for the epidural, the attending physician came. For some reason, my body started to shake uncontrollably. "My body is shaking, I can't hold it still!" I cried out in panic.

"It's normal, it's due to the hormones from the labor. It's ok. Just relax and breath." Someone replied.

I guessed the doctor could feel that I was tensed and starting asking where everyone was from originally. It turned out that AJ is from Australia, the nurse is from Ireland, the attending physician is from England, the resident is from Oklahoma, and I'm from China.

"What an international delivery room!" Someone commented.

While my focus was shifted during the conversation, the resident finished applying epidural while the physician watched. I realized it wasn't the attending physician who did it, but it turned out pretty good, but I didn't bother to press the issue.

I had learned from the birth class that there is a button on the epidural line that the patient can click for more dosage if needed. So, I asked the anesthesiologist where that button is. I know, I know, this is 180 degree from doing natural birth without pain medicine, but the pain was really unbearable. He showed me where the button was, and I asked,

"What if I click too much and overdosed?"

"Well, it's computer controlled. It doesn't really give much more. It's probably more psychological than anything."

Soon after I got the epidural, I couldn't feel the pain anymore. 5 minutes afterwards, the anaesthesiologist came in and asked again what my pain level was now.

"0! 0! I can't feel any pain! I should have this a long time ago!"

Epidural is truly amazing. After I got it, I couldn't feel any pain. In fact, I couldn't feel any contraction. Every time the contraction, AJ by looking at all those monitors behind me would tell me, "Here comes another contraction." Finally I got to relax and rest a bit after more than 20 hours labor without epidural.

For a while, the labor was very uneventful except around 3:30PM, the water broke. Half hour later, while resting, we heard some sort of alarm went on, but no one came in. So I called the nurse, she came in, ran a couple of tests on the monitor and left. The alarm must have gone off a couple of more times, the nurse was pretty calm, ran some tests and didn't mentioned if there was any problem. Another hour went by, the alarm went off again and the nurse come, ran some tests again and said to me,

"It looks like the epidural slows down the contractions. We are going to use Pitocin speed up the labor."

Not long after the Pitocin was used, the alarm went off again. And this time, it was pretty loud. All the sudden, 4 or 5 nurses rushed to my room, each all doing some sort of tests and 1 nurse started to ask what my blood type was. I had to say, they were all very calm and professional, at least they didn't make me feel nervous.

Finally, my nurse said to me, "Looks like the baby can't handle the labor. Every time the contraction comes, baby's heart rate went down to 60 to 70."

60 to 70??!! The normal baby heart rate is supposed to be between 120 to 150. I started getting a bit worried.

"Is it because we use Pitocin?"

"No, even before that, the baby's heart rate went down as well. The heart rate recovers after the contraction. We normally give 30mm of Pitocin, and we only started 5mm with you. It happened almost every contraction."

AJ mentioned that he could see it from the monitor that one graph showed the contraction and one showed the heart rate and it seemed though the curves went on different directions with contractions. And we were both worried at this time.

"Well, I called your doctor, and she said we might need to do C-section. She'll come and talk to you"

C-section? It was my last reserve. I didn't really want to do it unless it's necessary.

My doctor came and explained more about the situation to me.

"It looks labor is putting the baby in stressed. The heart rate really went down quite a bit. It might be worse. C-section is an option. And you get to see the baby soon!"

"Are there any other options?"

"Well, we can wait and see what happens. But really, this is not true emergency yet, and I can take my time to make the cut and then stitches up. In the real emergency case, we have to rush to take out the baby in a couple of minutes and I might not have the time to do that."

"Can I think about it?" I still hesitated about having C-section.

"Sure, but I'm really worried about the baby." The doctor said.

Once I heard that, all the hesitations went away. The baby's safety is my first priority. "OK, let's do it then!"

Later on, we all found out that this probably turned out it was the best decision I had ever made.

It was around 6 PM on Saturday, August 30th, 2009, more than 24 hours since the contraction started, 4 hours after I checked in to the hospital room, 3 hours after I got epidural. I should have gotten the epidural much earlier had I know that I was going to end up with C-section. Really, you can't predict what can happen in a labor.

Pretty soon, I got to see my baby!

From Memory Lane

Yesterday I happened to come across some old photos from a friend of mine in college. Looking through these photos, it brings back lots and lots of memories. The memory started peeling like layers of an onion. It was the memory of youth, the memory of carelessness, the memory of fun and the memory of friendship.

Although I hardly keep on touch with some of those friends on the regular bases, but these friendships are probably some of the strongest relationships one can ever have. I know deep down my heart, if I ever needed their help, I can just pick up the phone and call them.

I can't believe how young I used to look and how fast time flies. Thank you my dear friends for your friendships and the wonderful memories. So, here are some old photos from the memory lane (courtesy of Patricia Halgas).



I believe this photo was taken at the Faculty Roast at the end of senior year. Basically, we the students roast each faculty and give out weird awards. Didn't I look SO young?!!!






This photo was taken at the graduation party at John Gianvittorio's (1st from the left) house. I remember John used to come in to the class late and always sat in the front of class. He always had some sort of food and was never shy of eating it in front of the entire class. John, Robert (4th from left) and I were the only 3 continued to graduate schools. John went to UCLA and earned his PHD, I guess we have to call him Dr. G, but you know, we'll always call him John. Robert, like all of us, has BSEE degree, but he went on to get his mater's degree in film making in USC. He's now a producer and won't surprise me he wins an Oscar one day. I went on to Georgia Institute of Technology, earned my MSEE and came to California. I remember 3 of us were visiting graduate schools together. We started out in east coast and made it all the way here in the west coast.




This photo was taken in the EE student lounge, where we used to hang out after class. We spent countless sleepless nights there studying for exams and working on projects. I think this was for someone's birthday. I remember Patty (5th from left, back row) is an excellent baker. She used to bake this amazing cheese cake and brought it in to the class. I now got her secret recipe for the cheese cake, but of course it would never be the same as hers.


This photo was taken during the senior design presentation. Patty, Tom (1st from right), Frank, Lan and I were in the same team. James (1st from left, Ted (2nd from left) and John (2nd from right) were in the same team??? Our design won the 3rd place, I don't remember any price though.






Us girls in EE. We are probably half of the female population in EE, 10 fingers are more than enough to count us. Patty(left on the back), Mae (Right on the back), Phuong (left on the front) and me. Mae, Phu and I met at the beginning of our freshman year. We used to call each other MaeMae, PhuPhu and LingLing, and we wanted to start a club called PhuMaeLing. We were each other's support and we knew each other's life stories. MaeMae is probably one of the strongest and toughest girls I have ever met. She's now working for IBM and living in Vermont. PhuPhu was one of the funniest people I have ever met. She always knew how to make people laugh and always brought smiles to people. Unfortunately, she died in a tragic car accident at the beautiful, young age of 24. I'll always remember her smiles and her beauty. PhuPhu, I know you would continue your laughters and smiles in heaven.






Me, MaeMae and Patty at Bill B's wedding several years ago, many years after we graduated.














There are still so many good friends in my memory book not shown on these photos and so many stories to tell for each everyone of them. Unfortunately I do not have their photos in hand, but each everyone of you still lives in my memory and these memories are to last for a long long time.

Birth of Ashley 2

How can anyone sleep with on-going contractions?

Of course, I couldn't. I was tired and exhausted, I wanted to sleep. But every time I fell asleep, contractions would wake me up. They were getting more painful and painful. I just tossed and turned the whole time on the bed.

How can I describe the pain? Well, honestly, no word can describe it. I always thought of myself as someone who's very strong physically, and that I have high tolerance for pain. But this pain was way beyond what I could ever imagine.

Around 3:00 AM Saturday, it was getting very bad, so I woke up AJ, "Time to go to hospital! Baby is coming!" The whole way to the hospital, I was very quite, didn't say a word. The pain basically consumed me, I just wanted to arrive the hospital as soon as possible and didn't want to waste any energy talking.

The nurse checked us in and ran some basic tests. I was 2 cm dilated and 35% effaced (thinning of cervix). "What? That's all? All that pain?" I thought to myself.

"On the scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the most painful, what's your pain level now?" The nurse asked.

"10! 10! 10!" I responded in pain.

"Do you want any epidural?"

"Epidural? No, I'm going to try natural birth first." I answered. I didn't want any intervention of medicine unless it's necessary, so I always planned a natural birth. Well, at least I wanted to give it a try.

"Hmm, well..., " the nurse continued, "You are now just at the beginning of active labor and natural birth takes a long time. Normally we don't accept patients with natural birth plan until they're further away in the labor. We can't give you any medicine to help with labor if you don't want to have epidural. So, we have 2 choices here, you can either go home and come back later when you're further in the labor. Or you can walk around here for 2 hours and we can check your progress then."

Silence, my brain was spinning around fast. My mom was coming in about 4 hours, I still wanted to pick her up from the airport. And I didn't want to walk around for 2 hours, the pain was very bad, but not the end of the world. After consulting with AJ, we decided to go home. So the nurse give me some pain medicines and we came back home. It was around 5AM then.

The pain medicine didn't help anything. The pain was getting worse and worse. I couldn't sleep of course. I was just lying on the bed, holding onto my tummy, bending my legs together, letting the contractions come by and waiting for the time to go to the airport.

Finally around 8:30 AM, we got up and drove to SFO to pick up my mom. The contraction was hitting harder and harder, the pain seemed to double as before. I couldn't talk even if I wanted to. I felt like I couldn't breath. You know all those techniques you learned from the birth class seemed to be useless. At those moments, you just wanted the pain to go away right then. Every second seemed like an hour.

The walk from the parking garage to the terminal seemed like from the earth to the moon. I held on to AJ on one hand, and the other holding on to anything I could grab, the wall, the railing, you name it. Every once a while, I would stop and say, "Wait, contraction is here!" and put my whole body on the wall. Finally I located my mom amongst a crowd, once I found her, I just sat down. It was too painful to be standing up. I bet the whole airport was looking at me funny. I don't quite remember how I could ever make it back to the car while in the active labor. All I remember is that I basically had to on to AJ and my mom on each side of me, and with each step I felt as if baby's head was pushing further and further down.

There is more silence on the way back. The pain was too much, the sweat started to drop like rain fall and my back started hurt quite a bit. Once I got home, I went to lay on the bed immediately, the pressure was just too much to handle.

The contractions were getting very painful. With each contraction, it felt like my body was being pulling apart and then contracting together. It was so painful that the sweat just broke down. I don't think I can even sweat that much from a hard cardio workout.

My mom started cooking for lunch although I didn't think I was able to eat, but she insisted of me eating some food for energy. It was proven to be a mistake later on. I couldn't chew, couldn't swallow any food. I didn't have any energy to talk. Even opening my mouth seemed to be painful. It was the longest meal I ever had. The sweat kept on coming nonstop with more and more frequent contractions. I couldn't imagine how other women did it, it was way too painful than I could ever deal with.

Time must be frozen for a while since I didn't remember much. Around 1 PM, it was very obvious that the baby had dropped much further down in the tummy. So I said to AJ, "I think it's time to go back to the hospital."

So here we were, 10 hours after the first visit to the hospital, we were on our way again and hopefully by the time we came back, we came back as three.

Birth of Ashley 1

Ashley's birthday is coming up soon next month (can you believe it?). There were so many stories about her birth and yet, I haven't written down anything. So, here I am, thinking that while these memories are still fresh, I'd better write them down before they fade away.
---------------------------------------------------------

I can still remember vividly the week leading towards Ashley's birth, the week of August 25th, 2008. It was a scorching hot summer week, one of those few weeks we get in Northern California once a while. It was so hot that you feel so uncomfortable to stay indoor; the entire house feels like sitting on a hot oven; you sweat right away the very first moment you get out of the shower, and the air seems to be still.

I took 2 weeks off prior to the due date, now thinking about it, I should have taken the whole 4 weeks off. During the week, I went out everyday to get the last minute stuff ready for the baby. At the end of each day, I was exhausted, and the heat didn't help.

At the beginning of the week during the regular checkup, I was already 1cm dilated. At the time, I asked the doctor if this was the sign that the baby might be coming this week. The doctor answered, "No, it doesn't mean much. The baby can come anytime. It could be this week, next week, or the week after."

Thursday night was hot as any other day. For some strange reason, I insisted to have watermelon and it was 10 o'clock at night. I had the need to have it that particular night. So AJ and I walked over to Lucky's and carried two big watermelon home (of course, I didn't do much of carrying). By the time we got home and finally had some watermelon, it was probably about 11PM.

Friday was hot as well. Contractions started kicking in Friday morning. It started very slow and mild and came every once and by the afternoon, it started to come a little bit more frequent. I still had to get some stuff from Walgreens, so I decided to walk to Walgreens in the hot, sizzling sun.

The tummy seemed to be getting heavier and heavier with each step. The breathe was getting shorter and shorter. The contractions came every now and then and my feet was getting heavier and sore. It seemed ages before I reached Walgreens. By the time I got home, I was completely exhausted and hit the bed right away.

By the time AJ came home around 5PM, the contractions was becoming more regular. So I told him, "I think the baby is coming soon!"

My mom was flying in on the next morning Saturday, so I said, "We need to clean the condo!"
Well, you know what they all say about expectant moms have the urgency to clean right before the baby comes, it's very very true!

"I want to go out for dinner for last time together in the next 15 years!" I added.

AJ thought about it, and said, "Sure, but I want to go for a motorcycle ride for the last time."

"OK, how about we clean, then you go out for a ride, and we then go for dinner?"

So, believe it or not, while I was having contractions, we cleaned up the condo, AJ went out for a bike ride, I took a shower and by the time we went out for dinner, it was past 9PM.

I still remember the dinner. It was at Pasta Pomodoro. Instead of usual Frutti di Mare, I ordered Spaghetti Polpette (spaghetti with beef and pork meatballs). I must had thought that I needed the carbohydrate for the labor and didn't want to take any chances with bad seafood. It was a dinner I could never forget, every now and then during the dinner, I would said, "hold on, contraction is coming." And I would put my fork and spoon down, and hold my head. I could barely taste the food. At the time, the contraction was getting a bit painful, but it was still manageable. They came like every 10 -8 minutes, the doctor said to go to the hospital when the contractions come every 5 minutes. So, we knew it must be coming pretty soon.

I don't remember how we finished the dinner. By the time we got home, it must be almost 11 PM. So, we packed up the last minute stuff, and I called a friend to pick up my mom from the airport in case I was in labor the next morning.

All that set and done, we went to bed.

Home Alone With Ashley 2 - Part 3

During the weeks that Daddy was gone, little Ashley seems to grow like a little adult. She is aware of what's going on around her.

When she wants to do something bad, she turns around and looks at you as if she is checking if you're looking at her. If you said, "No, Ashley." She smiles and continues to do what she was doing.

When I put her down on her mat and go to kitchen to clean up, she knows to crawl around all the way to the kitchen area, and looks at me and starts babbling as if she was looking for her Mommy.


Daddy got back yesterday. It has been a while since Ashley has seen him, Ashley was a bit of unsure of Daddy at first. She studied and stared at him for a while. She was a little uneasy around him to begin with, but that only lasted a few minutes. After that, she was all smiling and giggling around him.

Home Alone With Ashley 2 - Part 2

I hadn't gone grocery shopping by myself with Ashley yet. I either go by myself, or AJ comes along with us. At the most, I just went to grab one or two things first if I really had to go by myself with Ashley. But this weekend, I had to do a big grocery shopping with Ashley alone.

It wasn't easy, your attention is split all over the places. You hardly had any time to really look for stuff. All you wanted to do is to get it done as soon as possible before Ashley gets uncomfortable sitting in the car seat and becomes fuzzy. So I just went to grab a bunch of stuff. Didn't really know what I got. Not to mention that the car seat with Ashley sitting in it is getting heavier and heavier. It's pretty tough carrying it downstairs, lifting it up to the shopping cart and then carrying it back up to the condo along with the grocery. Luckily, the grocery shopping was done and finished before Ashley had any chance to get fuzzy. She's a good baby!

What did Daddy miss this week?

Ashley is crawling faster and faster. In a blink of eyes, she's already gone to the hallway from the living room.

She is becoming very good at waving. Everyday I come home, she gets so excited and starts waving at me with both hands. When I leave for work, she waves bye-bye. She waves at herself in the mirror; she waves at the nanny when she comes to work in the morning. When I stand at the back of the car and wave at her, she would wave back while sitting in her car seat in the car.

She finally learned to blow kisses. Every morning when I go to work, I would wave bye-bye and blow kisses at her, she responds with the same thing. She's a little sweetie.

She loves to play kisses on the bed. I would kiss her and then lay down, she crawls over, puts her face on mine and starts kissing Mommy and then lays down on her side waiting for me to move over and kiss her. She's never tired of this game, she's so happy and giggly while playing this game.

She seems get the sense of the music. While the music is playing, I would shake my head and clap my hands, and Ashley copies the same thing. Sometimes, out of blue, she would just start shaking her head and clap her hands herself. She's a cutie.

Home Alone With Ashley 2 - Part 1

Daddy is traveling again and Mommy is once again left with Ashley alone. It's such bad timing this time since Mommy has RTL freeze and chip tapeout coming up and Mommy has been working every night until 12:30 AM or 1 AM the whole week and the weekend. In addition, the nanny's daughter just moved to US and so she can't stay overnight and help on the weekends.

The weekend started pretty good, Ashley was pretty cooperating. She was happy and playful, she ate, played and napped as usual. However, Sunday morning and this morning, for some strange reason, Ashley decided to wake up way early around 5 AM. She probably had a bad nightmare Sunday morning. She woke up crying around 4:30 AM, but soon fell asleep after Mommy patted her. But then it only lasted for an hour, at 5:30AM, she was awake and didn't want to go back to sleep anymore. Poor Mommy with huge headache and less than 5 hours of sleep had to wake up and started the daily routine. This morning, she didn't cry, but still woke up at 5 AM.

Poor Mommy is so exhausted and stressed out. I looked after her while she was awake, and when she was asleep, I was busy working and fixing bugs. I had terrible acne on my face and huge headache. I am hoping she will wake up later tomorrow.

However, it's still worth of all the work. Ashley sort of learned to kiss, well, more like licking. When she and I were playing on the bed, I moved over and kissed her cheeks, she would giggle, it might be funny to her. So she would then crawl over towards me, put her entire face against mine, and opened her mouth and kissed/licked me. My whole face was wet, and she giggled more. It was very sweet and cute. It is at moments like this, all my tiredness and stress all went away, and instead my heart is filled with happiness and joys.

Baby Hair

3 months after Ashley was born, Mommy started losing a lot of hair. Every time I take a shower, run my fingers through my hair, brush my hair, a bunch of hair would just fall off. I mean a BUNCH, not a couple. Within a day, it seems like thousands and thousands of hairs are lost. OK, OK, I might be exaggerating, but it's very close. I was very worried that at this rate, sooner or later I will be bald!!

While looking at myself in the mirror the other day, I noticed there are some baby hairs growing everywhere on my head. Thank God!!!  Haha, they look just like Ashley's hair: short, thin, soft and standing up right. And they are growing at the same rate. I look funny with these standing baby hair though, and I always try to press them down.

The other day, after a shower at the end of my workout, a coworker of mine walked pass me and looked at me funny, and said to me, "Hey Katherine, you got a lot of static in your hair! They all standing up right!" Grrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!

Home Alone With Ashley 1 - Part 3

Tough week this week.

First, introduced formula to Ashley, that was a pretty tough battle. Surprisingly, Ashley seems to accept formula although we only tried it 3 times. Then for several days, she drank less and less and Mommy's milk supply goes back up thanks to non-stop pumping. So we haven't tried formula since then.

Second, for a couple of days this week, Ashley didn't want to sleep. She went to sleep around 9 PM to 9:30 PM, then woke up half hour to 45 minutes later crying. I tried to rock her, held her in my arms for more than an hour until my arms and wrists became SOOO sore (my wrists are still painful now, probably damaged), she still didn't want to sleep until 1 AM or 12 midnight.

Third, we decided not to rock her. Ashley would cry for 15 to 20 minutes or so, then went to sleep. Not bad, hopefully it keeps up although it's very tough watching her crying.

How can I describe these 3 weeks?

Weekdays:
7 :00 PM to 7:30PM: come home from work
7:30 PM to 8:00 PM: dinner
8:00 PM to 8:30 PM: pump
9:00 PM to 9:45 PM: put Ashley to sleep since she only wants Mommy to do it, mostly rocking
10:00 PM to 10:30 PM: brush my teeth, wash my face, get ready to sleep
11:15 PM to 11:45 PM: pump
11:45 PM to 12:15 PM: wash bottles
12 PM to 12:30 PM: go to sleep myself
6:30 AM to 7:30 AM: Ashley wakes up

Weekends: cycles between diaper changing, feeding, pumping, washing bottles, playing with Ashley, feeding solid food, diaper changing, putting Ashley to sleep.

Sigh, sigh, sigh, sigh, sigh ........

Home Alone With Ashley 1 - Part 2

Second week home alone with Ashley.

SP & BW visited us Saturday. We took Ashley out to the park near by. Have heard the nanny mentioned that Ashley loves the swing at the playground in the park. I didn't believe that small baby like Ashley can actually sit on the swing and enjoys it. So we went straight to the swing and put Ashley on. It was true, Ashley held on the handle bar, her legs kicked around every time we pushed the swing. She really truly enjoyed it. Afterwards, we sat around on the beach towel on the grass in the shade. Ashley curiously looked around, rolled around on the beach towel and seemed to enjoy being outdoor. We should definitely take her out more, there are so many new things she needs to learn.

Later on, PK showed up with her daughter Cerisa. PK and I had the same due date and Cerisa was born 3 days earlier than Ashley. They played together a bit. Ashley grabbed Cerisa's toy and vice versa, and both immediately put the toys in their mouths. Although these 2 girls are the same age, but they grow at their own different pace. It's always nice to let Ashley hangs out with someone her own age. I wonder if she's bored of having adults around her all the time.

Today is such a hot day. NQ showed up to help and we decided to take Ashley to have some pearl tea. We ordered some drinks and snacks, sat around and chatted in the sunny Sunday afternoon. Ashley continued to look around checking out the new surroundings, and played with her toys. At home, I put Ashley on the sofa sitting up next to me while I was on the laptop and gave her some toys. She just sat around, played with her toys in content. No fuzziness, no crying, no screaming, she is truly an angel.

It seems things are easier this week. Not sure if it's because I get more used to it or it is because I got visitors? 1 more week to go.

Home Alone With Ashley 1 - Part 1

This is the first week Daddy's traveling and the first week Mommy's home alone with Ashley. Having the nanny staying home during the weekdays definitely provides great help. Most of the week, Mommy was busy fighting with the flu but luckily near the weekend, the flu was 70% gone and Mommy was able to handle Ashley alone.

Home alone with Ashley wasn't as bad as Mommy thought it would be, but it is just so busy, non-stop, no breaks sort of days. It starts with Ashley wakes up, change her diaper, feed her, pump, wash bottles, play with her, feed her some solid food, change her diaper again and put her to sleep. Then finally Mommy gets some time to eat, and then the whole cycle starts all over again. At the end of the day, Mommy is still in her pajamas and didn't get to brush her teeth until the end of the night (I know, disgusting!!) Fortunately, Ashley is such good, calm and sweet baby except she refuses to drink any milk right before she goes to sleep. However, she's been cooperating with Mommy by going to sleep around 10PM and waking up at 8AM these couple of days. Can't imagine how difficult it would be if Ashley is a fuzzy baby. Regardless, Mommy definitely has great respect for the single parents out there!

Mommy is Sick!

Mommy got a terrible flu since last Thursday: very very sore throat, headache, fever and nasal congestion. Fever is gone now, but the rest of symptoms are still here. The sore throat is so painful that Mommy almost lost her voice and she can not swallow anything. The only "good" side effect is that Mommy lost 3 lbs within 2 days. :-)

Mommy hasn't played, held and spoken to Ashley for last several days. Mommy doesn't want to get Ashley sick and has to wear a mask around her. Ashley doesn't know what's going on and stares at Mommy funny. Luckily so far Ashley has not been affected. Poor Daddy had to do everything for Ashley last couple of days. But Daddy is leaving for a business trip for 3 weeks tomorrow, Mommy doesn't know what she is going to do if she is still not well by the weekend. Sigh, sigh, sigh, sigh, sigh....