Change My Diaper Please / I Want To GO Out / TV Is On / I Want To Listen To Music or Watch This Show / Get Up Mommy! / Weight Lifting

Ashley is getting cuter and smarter each day. Every now and then when she poops, she points to her butt and says, "poooo pooooo". Most of times it means that she poops, and of course sometimes it just means she pees or farts.

While we were visiting my parents last month, one evening we were all having dinner and all the sudden Ashley just walked over to the living room, crabbed her changing mat from the sofa, put it down on the floor and lay herself down with her legs up. She was basically telling us, "Change my diaper please!"

It was so funny and cute.

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Ashley loves to go outside and she was especially so when we were in Philadelphia. Everyday, Mommy, Daddy and PoPo took turn to take her out for a walk. She quickly recognized she needed her shoes, her jacket to go outside. So she would grab her shoes and jacket to you indicating that she wanted to go outside.

What a smart baby! :-)

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After many experiments, Ashley figured out how to turn on the TV. When she turns on TV and there is no picture since the cable box is not on, she would come to your side, points to the TV and makes baby sounds, saying, "Hey, the TV this on!"

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Ashley loves to listen to the music and watches baby video. Every time she wants to listen to the music or watch her show, she grabs the CD or the video, gives them to you and babbling, "eee, eee, oh", she's saying, "I want to listen to this CD/watch this show!" And if you still don't know what she's talking about, she grabs your hand and put it on the CD/Video case, and points to the computer. Now, you got what she's trying to say?

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Every morning, after feeding Ashley, I often just lay around on the floor and play with her. Lately, when she doesn't want me to be laying down, she would grab my hair and pulls it up while babbling. If I still don't move, she would start pushing my shoulder until I get up. "Get up Mommy!" that's what she's trying say.

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Although Ashley is a tiny girl, she got big muscle and loves to lift weigh (she must got that from Mommy!). The other day, she was playing around the dining area where are some several 1-gallon bottles of water laying around. She started picking those half emptied bottles and moving them to the chair. After she was done with those, she started trying to pick up those full bottles, and of course she can't lift them yet, so she started babbling and pointing to the bottles. Well, Ashley, if you eat more, you might be able to lift those bottles!

First Step Of Freedom

For a longest time, Ashley had been cruising around holding onto furniture and was able to walk for a couple of steps without any support. But the magic moment of the walking never came. I for one, was never worrying about her not walking yet. Deep inside, I still wanted my little baby to be a little baby who just lays around in Mommy's arm.

Little did I know, the magic moment can come at any time when you least expected. The day Ashley turned 14 month on Friday, October 30th, 2009 while we were visiting my parents in Philadelphia, I was chatting with my Mom in the kitchen, all the sudden, I saw Ashley somehow pushed herself up on her legs in the middle of living room and started walking towards us, and then happily walked into my arms. It was at least like 10 steps! Later on that night, she walked again by herself. She finally reached one of the most important milestones. She's free!

Ever since then, she has been walking everywhere. Although she still walks like she's a bit drunk and falls here and there, but she walks faster and faster, and with more confident each time. You hardly see her crawls at all. Amazingly, she walks and then sits on her butt, but she can somehow push herself up right away on a single leg, How does she do that?

I'm very happy that Ashley is officially a toddler now and finally reached her first step of freedom, she is no longer a 4-legged "animal". Yet at the same time, I'm already yearned for the little tiny baby that I once had. How does she grow up so fast???!!

The Journey Of A Milk Cow

One of the most amazing moments of Ashley's birth that often strikes out in my mind is that soon after Ashley was born, the nurse brought Ashley to my recovery room and the minute Ashley and Mommy had skin-to-skin contact, she latched right away to be breast fed. It's one of those most intimate feelings that is hard to describe with words.

During the next 3 days in the hospital, little Ashley and the new mom worked together trying to figure out how to do breast feeding. At those 3 days, milk didn't come in and all we got was colostrum and the latching wasn't working correctly for the most of the time. The first night, the nurse started hand expressed the milk after Ashley finished sucking and then gave her the rest of expressed milk. Often little Ashley would fall asleep after sucking so hard for while and Mommy ended with bruised and crapped nipples. By the 3rd day in the hospital, Ashley's weight dropped from 7 lb 3 oz to 6 lbs and 12 oz. Worrying about her weight, the doctor suggested Mommy to start pumping after each feeding and gave Ashley the pumped milk using a syringe. Those initial pumping was very painful. By the time we checked out of the hospital, the milk still hadn't come in fully and Ashley's weight dropped to 6 lbs and 8 oz.

I still vividly remembered the first day we got home from the hospital both Mommy and Daddy were so worried about Ashley not getting enough food. Daddy went and bought a can of formula and gave Ashley 1 oz of formula. Mommy continued to pump after each feeding. Miracle happened right away, Mommy's milk came in and Ashley had plenty of milk supply and never needed the formula again. Since then Mommy became a highly productive milk cow. Not only did Mommy have enough milk for Ashley, Mommy also had plenty of leftover milk after each feeding to save up. We never had to worry about not having enough milk.

For her first month of life, Mommy breastfed Ashley for the most of times and only a couple of times we fed her the breast milk with a bottle. By the 2nd month of her life, we started to try using bottle to feed Ashley. But Ashley was so used to be breastfed, she refused the bottle every single time (Really, who wouldn't? Human nipple is so much better than a rubber nipple and besides, it felt so warm to be cuddling next to Mommy!) During her meal time in the afternoon and evening, Mommy would go out so that Ashley wouldn't smell Mommy and PoPo or Daddy would try to feed her with a bottle. An hour or so after, Mommy would receive a phone call from PoPo and Daddy with Ashley crying on the background. The milk cow was asked to return to work. By the time I got home, I could hear Ashley's crying from parking lot, the minute I got home, Ashley saw her dearest milk cow and stopped crying immediately. She knew her milk cow was home and she had food again!

The bottle training went on for more than 2 months and Ashley still wouldn't drink from the bottle. By the end of 3 months, Mommy had to go back to work, and somehow, Ashley would need to and have to drink from the bottle. So we decided to do cold turkey on her and only offered her the bottle. The first day, the last time Ashley was breastfed was at 3AM, and every time we gave her the bottle, she would cry and fuzz, and then stopped and played, but still refused the bottle. For 18 hours, she refused to drink from the bottle. By 8 PM at night, she started to drink from the bottle. Thank God! What a relief! The 2nd day, she would fuzz and cry at each feeding session, but by the end, she would drink from the bottle each time. The 3rd day, she drunk from the bottle without any problem. YEAAAHHH!!!!

Although Mommy enjoyed and missed the closeness and the bonding from breastfeeding, and the most rewarding satisfied smile Ashley gave to Mommy at each feeding, we were concerned that if we alternated between breastfeeding and bottle feeding, Ashley might get confused or she might just refuse the bottle again. It was very difficult to get her to drink from the bottle finally, so we didn't really want to risk it despite how much Mommy enjoyed the breastfeeding. We decided to feed Ashley breast milk in a bottle and Mommy would continue to pump.

So the milk cow started her pumping journey since November 2008 and continued to provide plentiful of milk and save up lots of frozen milk in the freezer. The milk cow would pump out 29 oz to 27 oz of milk each day. Ashley was exclusively on breast milk the whole time. By 9 months, we decided to introduce formula. And of course stubborn Ashley refused to drink any formula. She could even taste the 2 oz of formula mixed with 2 oz of breast milk, and completely refused it. So we persistently offered her the formula at her first feed thinking that she might hungry enough to accept the formula. Slowly, Ashley accepted the formula. Since then, the highly productive milk cow got to slow down the milk production. The milk cow started to pump 6 times a day and slowly cut down to 2 pumps each month and milk production started from 29 oz, to 25 oz, to 21 oz and so on to 11 oz for 2 pumps. Meanwhile, we slowly increased the number of formula bottles from 1, to 2 and then to 3. Finally Ashley accepted the formula without any hesitation and she drunk both formula and breast milk alternatively.

At the end of last month, we planned to visit my parents in East Coast for a week, and Mommy and Daddy would go for a cruise for 5 days without Ashley. Since Ashley was turning 14 month old, it was time to for the milk cow to retire. No one had ever told me that weaning off the breast milk is as hard as getting breast milk. Mommy started to just pump once, and then every other day. Mommy was so engorged and painful for 4 days and finally thanks to the Chinese herbs, the milk production finally went away. After 11 months of pumping, the milk cow is officially retired!

Ashley now drinks formula and frozen breast milk alternatively (Yes, the milk cow actually had enough leftover milk to last Ashley maybe for another 2 months!) and probably completely forgot the taste of fresh breast milk. Mommy can no longer eat big meal, shovel spoons of ice cream directly from the box, have excuse for eating so much, and not worry about gaining weight. Instead, Mommy starts the calories counting days and mesmerizes those good old days.

Really, at the end, it's the milk cow who truly misses breastfeeding instead of little Ashley.

Scratch My Back Please! / Stinky Mommy! / New Words

Ashley loves to have her back scratched and her ears cleaned. She is so mobile and active nowadays that it's very hard to keep her still. However, every time her back gets scratched or her ears get cleaned, she just sits there quietly without any movement enjoying being pampered. So the other day after Daddy scratched Ashley's back, she immediately pointed her fingers to her back and babbled, "hmmmmm! hmmm!!" as if she was saying, "More! More!" and ordered Daddy to scratch her back more.

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Ashley says, "chuuu, chuuu" indicating stinky, and shakes her hands when we change her diapers. She knows the meaning of stinky and the other day Mommy came out of bathroom and saw Ashley looking at me and shaking her hands, and babbling, "chuuuuuu". I can't help to burst out laughing. She's so cute!


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Ashley's new words:

1. 'aaaaappoo" for apple and she points to the picture of an apple.
2. "aaaaashhhh" for Ashley. She can't say Ashley yet.
3. "baooobaooo" for bao bao (chinese for baby)
4. She blows a kiss if I asks her to blow me a kiss in Chinese.

Walking / Ashley's vacabulary / Bib / Hair Clip

Ashley has been cruising around holding on furniture for a while. One morning last week, I was sitting on a chair not far from her toy piano, She first held on to the coffee table, and shifted over to the toy piano. I opened my arms, and she walked 4 steps towards to me without any support. She's going to be able to walk very soon.

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Ashley understands a lot of new words. She loves to read and Mommy always reads The Hare and the Tortoise, and The Very Hungry Caterpillar to Ashley every morning. She now can point to the little duck and the little cat, and says, "Ya Ya" (Chinese for duck), "Mao Mao" (Chinese for cat). She flips the book and points to the hare on every page although she can't say Tu Tu (Chinese for hare/rabbit) yet. She loves to flip through The Very Hungry Caterpillar book. She says, poooouuu, I think it means Apple.

Every time Mommy and the nanny changed her diapers, we used to swing our hands in front of our noses and said, "Chou Chou" (Chinese for stinky). So now a days, when we change her diapers, Ashley swings her hands in front of her nose, and says, "chuuuuu". It's so funny.

Ashley also understands, Gou Gou (Chinese for dog), Qiu Qiu (Chinese for ball), Niu Niu (Chinese for cow) although she can't pronounce them yet.

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Ashley loves to pull her bibs off her neck, sometimes she just plays with them. Recently, after she pulls her bib off, she would try to put them back on and of course she can't work it out exactly yet, so she would just wrap it around her neck in all sort of ways and babbling at the same time. I think she's trying to put the bib on by herself.

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Ashley loves to pull off Mommy's hair clip, plays with it and sucks on it. The other day, after she pulled my hair clip and played with it for a while, she crawls over to my back again, and held the chair clip on my hair clip to my head, and started to babble, I think it means she wanted me to put it back on. So I did, and she crawled away and then crawled back, and repeated the process again. It's very cute.

Learning to Let Go

As a parent, one of the hardest thing to face is probably the fact your child is getting more and more independent. One of hardest thing to learn as a parent is probably learning to let go and realize that your child is an individual person who eventual will grow his/her own wing, fly their own path, make their own mistakes, learn from them, and live their own life.

Since Ashley was born, she had been sleeping in her crib in our room. Initially was because it was easier to take care of her as she woke up every couple hours and we didn't want little baby Ashley to be alone. Secondly, we live in a two bedroom condo, which doesn't give us much room. We basically need a spare bedroom to accommodate visitors. It worked out pretty well and I for sure definitely enjoyed the closeness. However, every now and then at night Ashley often kicks her legs, makes noises, sometime screams here and there, It often wakes Mommy and Daddy. On the other hand, whenever we get up in the middle of night or early morning to use the bathroom, we often wakes up Ashley. We thought of moving Ashley to her own room a while back, but for some reason never actually did it. Maybe subconsciously we didn't want to let go?

Things are getting worse and worse as Daddy travels so frequently lately and often has jet lag to battle with. He often goes to sleep at 2AM, or wakes up at 3 or 4 AM at night, and that just wakes both Ashley and Mommy up. So this Friday night, Daddy woke up at 3AM, and Ashley got woken up, it took her a long time to fall asleep and then she woke up again at 6AM. It was totally a nightmare. Everyone was tired and exhausted. It's time to move her to the other room.

After lunch Saturday, we got rid off the second bed, moved her crib to the other room. Everything happened so fast, it only took a couple of hours. So for the first time, Ashley got to sleep in her own room Saturday afternoon for her nap. We were a bit worried that Ashley might not be able to sleep in the new environment and it might take a couple of days for her to get used to her own room. Surprisingly, she took her nap without any problem. Saturday night she went to sleep within 10 minutes as usual after we put her to sleep. In fact, she slept so well that she woke up at 7:15 AM on Sunday. Sunday she took her naps in her own room without any hiccups. As usual last night, she went straight to sleep in 10 minutes. This morning around 7:20 AM, I heard her making some noise, I jumped up in a conditioned reflex, got her milk ready, went to her room, but she was still sound to sleep. So I just laid quietly on the floor next to her crib waiting for her to wake up. She didn't wake up until 8AM!

I'm surprised but at the same time glad that Ashley made the transition so well. She is truly an amazingly great baby. Honestly, Mommy feels a bit uneasy and lost that my little sweet baby is moving away and making her new step towards independence. Perhaps the same feeling that many Moms feel when their children go away for school or move away to live. But truly, children often do so well without the constant protection of their parents. Parents are usually the ones who couldn't let go and couldn't face the fact that their babies are finally grown up and have to live their own lives. Somehow, children have to take those initial steps, just like babies learning to walk and birds learning to fly. They'll never learn to do it unless actually doing it.

So as a parent, I can only give my child love, support and protection unconditionally when she needs it and learn to let go when the time comes. And this weekend, I learned to let go for the first time.

Home Alone With Ashley 5

Once again, Mommy is home alone with Ashley.

As usual, Ashley and Mommy played, read together in the mornings. After her morning nap and her lunch, Ashley accompanied Mommy to do grocery shopping and run some errands. We went to Ranch 99, Macys on Saturday, and Costco, Whole Foods on Sunday. After her afternoon naps, Mommy and Ashley walked to the pond at the neighbor complex, played and watched duckies On Saturday. And on Sunday, we went to the park. Ashley was all happy and silly. It was a lot of fun.

Then Monday came, Mommy took Ashley to get her first flu shot. By Monday night, Mommy started feeling sick. I just simply burned out of energy by looking after Ashley by myself, and running around all over the places for the last one and half months. Tuesday morning, Ashley started feeling sick too. She has some side effects from the flu shot, sneezing, coughing, stuffy nose, running nose, etc. Although her symptoms seem to be getting better, but she is still not quite 100%. I'm not sure if Mommy has infected Ashley or not. Meanwhile, Mommy is still sick with flu like symptoms.

Concern about the possibility of getting swine flu, Mommy went to the doctor yesterday. Luckily, the doctor said it was not swine flu, just upper respiratory infection.

Poor baby and poor Mommy. Hopefully Ashley gets better soon and hopefully Mommy recovers soon as well. It definitely has been tough with Ashley getting sick twice and Mommy being sick and being alone. What a month!

Ashley Is 13 Month Old Today

No doubt this month is the toughest month for Ashley & Mommy since she was born. Ashley got sick for the first time soon after her first year vaccines. Then she got some side effects (stuffy running nose, sneezing, fever) after the flu shot she got this Monday. She was perfectly fine before all of those shots, it makes me wonder if it's all worth it getting the flu shot. Poor baby! Mommy has been all alone taking care of Ashley, and Mommy is getting sick as well.

Here are some highlights and milestones of this month.

1. She finally got her first 2 upper teeth at the same time!

2. She understands a lot nowadays. She knows to fetch the ball, get the duck, press the music bottom when you ask her to do it.

3. She is more talkative, sometimes for a pretty long sentence as if she is starting a conversation with you. She knows to say "Ya Ya", Chinese for duck, except she says, "Yaaaaaaaaa Daaaaa". She can also say "Nai Nai", Chinese for milk milk.

4. She knows to turn on the TV by pressing the bottom on the front of the TV.

5. She loves to dance and can dance by standing up holding onto some furniture.

6. She can stand without support for 10 seconds or so.

7. If you put her against the door, let go and put your arms out, she can walk towards you in a couple of steps.

8. She loves to lay around Mommy on the floor whenever she sees Mommy laying around. She lays around by Mommy's head, Mommy's arms, Mommy's legs, twisting her body and laughs. Sometimes she decides to kiss Mommy's face, arms, legs, and stinky toes for no reasons. She is such a sweetie.

9. She loves to go behind Mommy, plays peek-a-boo, grabs Mommy's hair, Mommy's hair clip and bursts out giggling.

10. She loves to listen to Mommy reading books to her and she can points out the little bunny, little chick, little duck on the book.







At Logan's birthday party.



















Hanging out by the pool.



















Dancing by the coffee table. OK, OK, OK, I know it doesn't look like she was dancing, but believe me, she was.

Brave Girl

Ashley got her very first flu shot today. It was very quick, in a couple of seconds it was done. Ashley originally didn't know what was happening until couple of seconds after it was done, she then started to cry with a delay. But she is a brave girl, the crying only lasted a few seconds, and by the time Mommy carried Ashley to look at the mirror, she already stopped crying. I hope she doesn't develop any side effects this time.

This reminds me that 3 days after she was born, she was supposed to get Hepatitis B vaccine. Mommy couldn't bear seeing little baby Ashley crying, and decided to wait anxiously inside the patient room. All the sudden, I heard a loud crying that lasted only a couple of seconds, and it stopped. The nurse pushed Ashley back and praised, "She is such a brave girl!"

Yes, Ashley is a brave little baby and Mommy knows she'll grow up a very brave girl one day!

Home Alone With Ashley 4 - Part 2

Over the weekend, Ashley recovered completely from her first sickness. She is back to her usual happy, funny self. Not sure if spoon feeding her the milk while she was sick made her didn't want to drink much from the bottle or not. But over the weekend, I found myself spooning feeding Ashley milk after she didn't drink much from the bottle at most of the feedings. I didn't want her to get used to the idea, so I told the nanny not to spoon feed her any milk any more.

So, what did Daddy miss over these couple weeks?

1. Of course, he missed Ashley being sick. It was very tough looking after a baby let alone looking after a sick baby.

2. After almost 3 months since her first tooth appeared, her long-waited upper teeth are finally coming in! YEEAAAAH! I think there are two coming in at the same time. When I tried to touch her upper gum the last time, she bit down pretty hard. She can bite now!

3. Whenever I have dinner, I put Ashley on her high chair and every now and then when she gets bored, I go behind her chair and play peek-a-boo with her. She loves the game and giggles so much. She learns to play this fun game. A couple of times, I would sit on a little chair, Ashley would crawl over behind me and starts to giggling. And if I turn my head to catch her, she giggles even more. It's pretty funny just listening to her giggling out loud.

4. Ashley learned to drink from the straw! We had been giving her the cup that comes with a straw, but every time she either chewed on it, played with it or threw it away. The other day when I came home, the nanny told me that Ashley can drink from the straw! Ever since then, she gets the straw cup filled with water and she has been drinking a lot of water.

5. For some reasons, Ashley loves Mommy's hair clip. Every time she sees me with the hair clip, she would push my face aside so that she can grab the hair clip. Of course sometimes she just pulls it along with some hair and of course it hurts. She also loves to go behind my back while I'm sitting on the little chair, and tries to grab the hair clip and she would just burst out laughing. It must be funny to her, but at the same it's fun to Mommy to see Ashley giggling so hard.

6. Ashley recognizes duck! Last weekend, when I was at a store with her, there were some rubber ducks sitting on the counter. They look a bit different than her rubber ducks at home, but Ashley recognized them right aways. Her face lighted up, and she pointed to them and started babbling. The salesperson gave her one duck and she loves it.

7. Ashley loves to go out and is a social butterfly. She now knows to request to go out. She often points to outside or to the door and babbles, I think it means she wants to go out. And if you take out then, she is all happy. When she grows up, it won't surprise me that she becomes a party animal!

Home Alone With Ashley 4 - Part 1 / Ashley Is Sick

After being home for 4 days from his last trip, Daddy is away again for business trip since last Thursday. YES! AGAIN!!!!

The long weekend started smoothly. Ashley was her usual self, happy and playful. Untie Susan came and visited us. It gave Mommy a chance to slip out to do grocery shopping while Ashley was taking her nap. After her nap, we went for a walk around the neighborhood where Ashley saw lots of ducks swimming in the pond.

Sunday afternoon, Mommy took Ashley to Logan's first birthday party. Logan is one of the babies in Ashley's play group. All babies in the play group were born around the same time. Ashley had a lot of fun playing here.

Things started going to the opposite direction Sunday evening. For some reason, Ashley refused to eat any solid food for dinner on Sunday evening. Mommy tried to give her different types of food, she refused all of them even her favorite Beef Carrot and Corn. Running out of ideas, Mommy decided to give Ashley some avocados. Ashley took some of them but she then threw up on the some piece of avocado. Mommy then smashed the avocado, again Ashley took some and then threw up again and she still refused to eat or drink anything. With no choice, Mommy put Ashley to sleep. It was about 9 PM.

Soon after Ashley went to sleep Sunday night, she woke up crying at 12 midnight, then at 2AM, 4AM and 6AM. She had high fever. Mommy tried to rock her to sleep for 20 minutes each time, but she was still crying. At the end, Mommy just sat with her in the rocking chair until she felt asleep.

Labor Day Monday was probably the toughest. Ashley had high fever the whole day despite the Tylenol Mommy gave her. She refused any baby food, just took some milk. She was uncomfortable, fuzzy, cranky and in pain, and was crying all the time. Mommy had to hold her and hug her constantly. At the moment I put her down, she would start crying. Mommy even had to go to the bathroom holding Ashley. Ashley normally crawls so fast, but she must feel so bad that she crawled in slow motion, like a little snail.

Monday night, Ashley woke up again every two hours crying with high fever. Even her hands and feet were so hot. I gave her some more Tylenol and tried to put a cold towel on her head but she pushed away. I tried to feed her some liquid, but she hardly had any. She was obviously in pain, but I couldn't do much except holding her, hugging her, comforting her, giving her a lot of love, and singing to her in the rocking chair until she felt asleep.

Mommy was so exhausted Tuesday. It was so difficult for one person to look after a sick baby, so Mommy decided to take a day off looking after Ashley with the nanny. The nanny and I took turn holding Ashley, feeding her and comforting her. she still had high fever and was still cranky and fuzzy. It was very painfully to see Ashley so uncomfortably in pain yet she couldn't tell you what was wrong with her. Poor baby! Mommy just wished that I was the one who was sick instead of her, and that I could just give her the immunity she needed to fight off the sickness.

She still refused to eat any baby food and by Tuesday afternoon, she only had less than 12 oz of milk. Worrying about her, Mommy decided to take Ashley to see the doctor with the help of the nanny. The doctor checked her out and said there were 3 possibilities. One, she got the fever from her 1 year vaccines. Two, her upper teeth are coming in and that might causes fever. Three, she might have stomach flu. The doctor said that a healthy baby's immune system will fight it off the virus, and in a couple more days she should be better. She asked us to make sure she has enough fluid intake and at least has 2 wet diapers, and that we might have to force feeding her liquid so that she won't be dehydrated. If she is dehydrated, we have to take her back to the doctor and they can do IV to her. But of course that's the last choice.

After we got home, both the nanny and I spoon fed Ashley some more milk, but the whole day she had around 17 oz of milk only. Tuesday night, she was still waking up every couple of hours but her fever seemed to be better.

Wednesday, Mommy took another day off. Ashley's fever seemed to be gone by the end of the day, but she was still hardly eating any baby food, just some milk. But she seemed to have a bit more energy. Wednesday night, she still woke up every now and then, but she didn't cry and didn't have fever any more.

Thursday morning, Ashley's fever was gone and she seemed to be better although Mommy noticed that she had some rash on her forehead. So Mommy decided to go back to work. In the afternoon, after calling the nanny, I found out that Ashley had rash breaking out all over her body. So I decided to call the doctor again. After some discussion, the advised nurse told me that what Ashley had is the childhood virus, Roseola. It happens to most babies between 6 months to 2 year old. The rash comes in after the high fever is gone, and the rash should disappear in 1 to 2 days.

Thursday night, Ashley was better and was able to have a little bit solid food. On Friday, she started to eat more baby food. So, after about almost 1 week, Ashley is recovered from her first sickness. Mommy is so exhausted and burned out, but at the same time is so relieved to see Ashley back to her happy self. Her energy level started to come back slowly and she is starting to crawl faster and faster.

What a week!

Ashley's 1 Year Checkup

Head: 44.9 CM, 45 Percentile
Height: 28 3/4 inches, 39 Percentile
Weight: 19 lb 3 oz, 20 Percentile


Ashley is on the tiny side, but we're very happy that she's very healthy.

Highlights of this month.

1. She understands words

2. She can stand without support for a few seconds.

3. She can walk while holding onto any furniture.

4. She points to everything.

5. She babbles a lot, mostly just baby talk.


A picture is worth of thousand words. Here are some photo of Ashley this month.






Little ballerina in practice.
























Hanging out with Mommy by the swimming pool.















Sharing my toys with Cerisa.


















Got caught emptying baskets.























Having fun bouncing up and down in the door jumper.























Yeah, I found my bear!
























With Mommy at Cerisa's birthday party.

















Bonding with Daddy.
























Family photo at Cerisa's birthday party























In my pretty dress for my birthday.
























Another shot in the birthday dress.























In the birthday crown.
























Family photo at my birthday.
























My first birthday cake!

























Look at all these gifts I got!

A Year In Memory

In a blink of eyes, a year of time slips through the fingers just like running water does.

It wasn't long ago, little Ashley barely fitted in her car seat that we had to use 3 extra towels as padding, nowadays her legs just dangling from the car seat. It wasn't long ago, she couldn't do much besides laying there spending her time looking around, and then she was able to lay on her tummy, to pull herself up from lying position, to roll around, to sit up, to crawl around, and then to cruise around. It wasn't long ago, it was safe to just lay her down on the sofa, and walked away to do your own stuff, and nowadays she is so active that you have to keep your eyes on her constantly and changing diapers becoming fighting a battle.

What strikes me the most about Ashley is that she is so calm, happy, joyful, and sweet. She is a baby born with a smile imprinted on her face.

In the first week after she was born, Mommy and PoPo swore that she could already smile while we held her. Although Daddy insisted that was involuntary muscle movements, yet Mommy believed that her little angel was just as happy to be surrounded and held by her loved ones.

She puts on the brightest sunshine smile every time you go to pick her up from her crib after she wakes up as if she hasn't seen you for ages. She had this most satisfied smile every time after she was breastfed; Mommy knew she was content with a full happy stomach.

The very first time she burst out laughing, swinging her arms and kicking her legs, was at the silly chicken and duck sounds Mommy and Daddy made. From that moment on, we knew she loves to laugh and whether she realizes or not she has brought so many laughter and joys to Mommy and Daddy.

As she grows bigger and bigger, she laughs and smiles at everything. She laughs when you play peek-a-boo with her; she laughs when you tickle her underarms and her body; she laughs when you kiss her; she laughs when you put her on the swing and push her up and down; she laughs when you toss her high in the air; she laughs when she crawls so fast that you can't keep up with her; she laughs when she gets to splash water in her bath, in the swimming pool and on her tray.

She smiles at you when she gets anything she isn't supposed to; she sometimes smiles after she is fed; she smiles and waves at strangers although that depends on her mood; she smiles and shakes her body automatically every time her toys play music; she smiles when you give her the teddy bears and her blanket; she smiles after she fetches her ball, finds the cat and the dog hidden beyond the doors on her toy; she smiles after you let her bang on the computer keyboard; she smiles when she kisses her teddy bears, her blanket, her ball; she smiles every time she sees herself at mirror.

Often, Ashley he is just as happy to play by herself on the playmat, in the exersaucer, on the bouncy chair, in her stroller. She is content to just sit and lay there and observes all those new things and new people. She never fuzzes every time we go out. She waves and smiles at the cashier, at the waiters, at the doctors and nurses, and at some random people sometime. She loves little babies and kids, and smiles at them whenever she sees them. She instantly spreads the happiness to everyone and captures everyone's heart.

Ashley's heart is filled with bountiful happiness and joy. To her, everything is brushed with honey and smelled like a bright red rose. Every person is like her dearest friend although she might have stranger anxiety at the beginning, just give her 10 minutes and she will love you as if she has known you for a long time. Every action she does, or you do with/to her is like shooting to the moon; it makes her so happy and excited that she often screams in joy, swings her arms and kicks her legs.

What is Ashley to Mommy then?

She is a ray of sunshine through the darkest thickest cloud.
She is a cup of hot chocolate in the chilly rainy day.
She is the purest morning dew on a blooming flower petal.
She is the first bud of spring leaf after a long cold winter season.
She is a breath of fresh air in the hot humid summer heat.
She is the fire in the freezing snowy winter night.
She is the wind beneath my wings.

She truly has brought 365 days each filled with happiness and joy to Mommy, and there are many many more to come.

With that said, my little sweet angel turns 1 year old today. She is no longer an infant, she is now a big toddler.






Ashley at birth.




















Ashley at 1 year old




















Happy Birthday to my little angel!

Home Alone With Ashley 3

Once again, Daddy is away for business trip during this week!

Last Saturday, Autie Susan came to visit and hung out with us. Ashley wasn't shy nor did she show any sign of stranger anxiety. It only took her about 5 minutes or so to warm up and she was having lots of fun playing with Autie Susan. Mommy even got to slip away to pump for 20 minutes and Ashley didn't even fuzz!

Sunday, Mommy took Ashley to visit Autie JW and her new baby girl. JW's baby girl is just over 2 months old and she also has a 5 year old daughter Kathy. Kathy loves Ashley and Ashley loves to play with Kathy. Ashley was even curious about the little baby and wanted to pull herself up by the stroller to check out the baby. I guess kids/babies just love each other. Ashley had a lot of fun crawling around and playing with Kathy. She got a new toy from Autie JW and Kathy and it plays music. Ashley automatically bounced her body when she heard the music playing. It cracked everyone up.

One morning while Mommy was laying around on the floor after feeding Ashley, Ashley crawled over and laid next to Mommy. All the sudden, Mommy heard Ashley screamed in excitement, it took several seconds for Mommy to look up. And Mommy saw Ashley standing next to Mommy without any support! Somehow she managed to pull herself up from laying position. It might last for at least 10 seconds! Mommy was very impressed.

The nanny discovered the club house from the apartment complex across from us. She has been taking Ashley there in the afternoon to play. There are 4 little toddlers that meet there regularly. Apparently Ashley has a lot crawling around following and playing with other kids

Overall, Ashley was a good baby this week. She went to sleep about 8PM and woke up between 6:30 AM to 7 AM everyday except one night she woke up crying after she slept for 2 hours and it took her 1 hour to fall back to sleep after Mommy comforting her.

Daddy is coming back tomorrow just in time for Ashley's first birthday!

Birth of Ashley 4

Ashley's first birthday is coming up this Sunday, I'd better finish her birth story! :-)

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Once I decided to go for C-section, the nurse started preparing me and AJ for the operation room. I signed whole bunch of paperwork, and AJ was putted on the blue medical suit. I was pretty calm at this moment, the nurse said to me, "You handle it much better than a lot of people." Well, what else could I do? I remember telling AJ to make sure to bring the camera and the camcorder, and told him to follow the baby if they took him/her outside of operation room.

They packed all our belongings underneath the patient's bed and pushed me to the operating room, and here I was in the operation room about to be cut open! They told AJ to wait outside until they settled everything, I don't remember when he was allowed to come in. I was transferred to another bed. They asked me to stretch both of my arms out and tied my arms down on the bench to prevent me from moving. I felt like a pig getting ready to be butchered. The anesthesiologist started to give me local anesthesia while the nurse started to sanitize me.

Soon after, the anesthesiologist told me that he was going to poke me and asked me to let him know if I could feel anything. He started from the leg, to the hip, to the tummy, to the mid body, to the chest, to the shoulder, and finally it was around my neck that I started to feel a little bit. I remembered from the birth class that for local anesthesia, you were supposed not to feel anything from chest down, but I could not feel anything from the neck, and I thought to myself that maybe it was too much anesthesia?

For some reason, the nerves kicked in and my whole body started to shake uncontrollably, I screamed, "I'm shaking!!" the nurse and the doctor tried to calm me down by saying that it was due to the anesthesia and the hormone from the labor and it was normal. Soon the attending physician, pediatrician, pediatrician's nurse, my doctor's assistants all came in, there were probably about 9 doctors/nurses in the room. The surgery was about to start.

Then I heard the attending physician asked AJ, "when the baby is about to come out, do you want me to let you know, so that you can stand up and take some pictures?" AJ replied right away, "No, thanks, I'll stay on this side." We had this discussion before and he didn't want to see any bloody scenes, he's a south side kind of guy. "Oh ok, then pass me the camera and I'll take some photos for you!" The attending physician offered. He did indeed take some priceless photos.

Next I heard my doctor said to me, "We're going to make an incision and you might feel some tingling." Well, I could not feel anything at all. My body was shaking harder and harder, I screamed, "I'm shaking very badly!" Someone then told me to focus on something else, but really how could I? The shaking continued and then slowly I felt I couldn't breathe, so I screamed again, "I can't breathe!" The attending physical then told me that they were monitoring the oxygen intake and everything looked fine. But I still felt that I was having hard time breathing. I bet it was probably the overdosed of anesthesia that numbed my lungs. I truly believed it was due to that, I later vomited all the food my mom made me eat while in the operation room. Now I know why they tell you not to eat anything before the labor!

Then I started to feel sleeping and started to falling asleep. But wait! I remembered from the birth class that local anesthesia during the C-section was not supposed to put you to sleep and you were supposed to stay awake when the baby is born. I bet it was the overdosed of anesthesia that's making me sleepy! I wanted to stay awake for the birth of baby, so I screamed one more time, "I'm falling asleep! I'm falling asleep!!"

The attending physician wanted to keep me await for the magic moment, so he started to ask me a bunch of questions so that I could stay awake. "Where are you from?" "Are any of your family here?" "How did you stay in shape while you are pregnant? ..... I struggled fighting the sleeping bugs and tried to answer those questions. I had to thank him for trying so hard to keep me awake though!

"Ok, we're going to press on your tummy to get the baby out. You might feel some pressure on your tummy." My doctor said to me again. Well, I could hardly feel anything. Several seconds later, I heard some crying! And the doctor said, "Dad, you wanna tell mom what you have?" We didn't find out the gender of the baby while I was pregnant, I wanted a surprise. "It's a girl!" It was a surprise indeed. Either way would be a pleasant surprise.

While they cleaned up the baby, my doctor said, "Oh, look that's why the baby wasn't handling the labor! Her umbilical cord was tied in a knot!! And it wrapped around her neck twice!" Geez, this could have turned very bad, baby with umbilical cord tied in a knot can not be born virginally. She must been doing a lot of gymnastic inside my tummy! Had I known about this, I couldn't come back home the very first time I came to the hospital; I couldn't go to the airport! Instead, I could have stayed in the hospital the first time we came. Luckily, everything turned out OK! It was definitely a right choice to do C-section

A few minutes later, after they cleaned and weighed the baby, AJ brought the baby to me. It was the most magical moment of my life, everything else just seemed to disappear, all the pain and tiredness just went away and the time just seemed to be frozen, I would never ever forget this moment.

Here she is, the baby I had waited for 10 months; the baby that I felt in love the very first time I saw her heart beat on the ultrasound; the baby that has been kicking around for months inside of my tummy! At the very first second we saw each other, she locked her eyes with mine, she knew who her mother is! She was still crying loudly, yes, she got very healthy lungs! I started mumbling, "Hi peanut! It's ok, it's ok, everything is ok, mommy is here...." Her eyes never moved away from me. She is such a very beautiful healthy baby! Baby wrinkle? Not this baby! Her skin is as smooth as silk. Pale purple looking baby? Not this baby! She's so pink and glowing! She's the most perfect gorgeous angelic baby!

I kept on staring the baby, and then I turned my head and said to AJ, "Oh, she got your skin!" To my surprise, I saw some watery eyes on AJ. Really, this is a guy who hardly shows any of his emotions at all, a big 6 foot 2 inch guy. This must really mean something to him. I would never forget this. It's imprinted in my memory!

So, here we were, a week earlier than her due date, after more than 24 hours of labor and a very eventful day, and some scares here and there, we welcomed our beautiful and healthy baby, Ashley. She was born at 6:35 PM, August 30th, 2008, measured 19.5 inch and weighed 7lb 3oz.

Welcome to the wonderful world, Ashley!

Blanket / Pointing / Words / Kissing / Shadow

In the last couple of days, we noticed that Ashley loves her blanket. Every time she sees her blanket her face lights up and she starts to smile. The very first second she sees her blanket, she automatically sucks her thumb even before we give her the blanket. It doesn't have to be her blanket, any kind of blanket we give her, she sucks her thumb right away.

Of course Mommy and Daddy seize to this opportunity. Every time she doesn't want to drink her milk, we bring out her blanket, she sucks her thumb and we put in the bottle. It works so far!

Knock, knock, knock ... on the wood thousands of times!!!!


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Ashley loves to point at everything nowadays. She points to Mommy or Daddy every time we come in; she points to the lights; she points to the birds/flies/airplanes that go by; she points to herself in the mirror; she points to any person she sees; she points to her toys or anything she wants. If she points to something and we give her the wrong item, she complains and points again until we give her the correct item.


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Ashley starts to understand words and associates words with the correct subjects/actions although she can't speak yet.

Every time I say, "Ashley, pai pai shou." Chinese for "Clap your hands", she smiles, claps her hands and giggles.

If I ask her, "Ashley, qiu qiu zai na li?" Chinese for "where is the ball?" She would look around in the room and fetch the ball.

One of her toys has two doors, one has a cat behind and one has a dog behind. So if I ask, "Mao Mao zai na li?" (Where is the cat?) or "Gou Gou zai na li? (Where is the dog?) Ashley crawls over to her toy, flips the doors open.

Why can I say? She's so smart! :-) And Daddy is also picking up Chinese at the same time! What a deal!


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I think Ashley understands kiss and sort of knows to kiss. If I lay down on the floor and ask, "Ashley, can you give Mommy a kiss?" She would crawl over, puts her entire face on mine, sticks out her tongue and licks me on my mouth and gives Mommy a big wet kiss!

It's so sweet and cute!


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I'm not sure if Ashley understands the concept of shadow or not. But yesterday while sitting at the backseat with her in the car, my shadow reflected on the seat right in front of her. So she kept on pointing to the shadow and kept on babbling trying to get my attention. I looked at the shadow, nodded my head, and said, "Yes, shadow!" She stopped babbling as if she knew what was going on and then pointed to the shadow again until I repeated, "Shadow."

Need I say again, she's a genius! :-) ;-) ;-)

Cruising / Standing / Climbing / Teddy Bear / Game / Shy

In the last few days, all the sudden, Ashley pulls herself up by the TV stand or by the sofa, and is able to move her feet sideway one at the time. It's almost like walking with support (AKA cruising). She is also able to switch from one supporting subject to another and continues her "cruising" until she reaches her destination. She's getting very close to be walking.

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Yesterday, Ashley pulled herself up from the coffee table, grabbed some toy with one hand, and started to play with it. For a few seconds, she was completely standing by herself without any support. It looks very sturdy too.

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Ashley loves to climb when you are holding her. It just looks like she wants to climb over your shoulder. The other day, she was able to climb herself up to her rocker chair. Everything is happening so fast.

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Ashley has this little towel bear that we always gave her when she goes to sleep since she was born. She loves that tiny little bear, holds it when she goes to sleep; plays with it when she wakes up and carries it with her when we pick her up from her crib. I put a pink Teddy Bear in her crib a while back and I think she plays with it when she wakes up in her crib as well. Yesterday I took her to play with her little friend, Cerisa, and there was a purple Teddy Bear. When Ashley saw the Teddy Bear, she grabbed it and gave it a big hug, almost with her head leaning on top the Teddy Bear, and then smiled. This was the first time I saw her doing that and it was so cute.

This morning, I gave her another Teddy Bear, she lighted up her eyes, grabbed it and gave it a big hug as well and then giggled. It was so cute and sweet. It looks like she's starting showing her girly personality.

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Ashley is becoming very aware of her surrounding and it seems she knows exactly what's going on. This morning, she took a pen that was hanging on my bag, so I said, "No Ashley, you can't play with that. Let's put it back." Right after I put back the pen, but she immediately crawled over, grabbed the pen again, looked at me, and made a couple "hehe" sound as if she was saying, "hehe, I goooot it again!"

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Ashely has the stranger anxiety sometimes, but every once a while, when she meets a stranger or even a familiar face, she loves to pretend to be shy. She would look at you, giggles, shakes her head and turns her heads away from you and smile, waits a couple seconds, turns back, giggles more, shakes her heads again and turns her head away. She would repeat this process several of times and seems to have a lot of fun with it. I sometimes wonder if she's pretending to be shy or if she was just playing a peek-a-boo game. What else it is, she's so cute and fun!

Ashley is 11 Month Old Today

Today, Ashley is 11 month old already! As everyday passes by, she's becoming more and more like a toddler, my little baby soon won't be a little baby anymore.

Ashley's highlights and milestones are this months are:

1. She is more and more mobile. She crawls very fast, and doesn't like to sit still. In a blink of eyes, she can crawl from one room to another. Changing diaper and her cloth are becoming more and more difficult.

2. She crawls and follows you as you walk from one room to another. You go to the kitchen, she'll soon join you; you walk to the bedroom, she'll come and check out what you are doing. Just like a little cute doggy.

3. She can pull herself to stand everywhere. In her crib, by the sofa, coffee table, TV stand, ottoman...you name it, anything she can reach and pull herself, she has done that.

4. She can stand unsupported for a long time. One of her favorite things to do is to pull herself up by the coffee table, and starts grabbing anything she can reach, plays for a couple of seconds, and then picks it up and throws it on the floor. Things she can't reach? Don't worry, she knows to tip her toes so that she can reach for more things on the table and do more damages.

5. She got 2 teeth, both on the bottom of her month.

6. She's a fuzzy eater, but she loves to see what's on your plate. She crawls over and wants the food on your plate whenever you eat. She never refuses any food coming from your plate.

7. She is very vocal and can talk up a conversation in her crib when she wakes up in the morning.

8. She knows to close the microwave door, cabinet doors.

9. She points to things with her index finger.

10. She enjoys going to swimming pool, and loves to splash, giggle and laugh in the pool.

11. She's a big flirt. She loves to smile and wave at anyone that walks by her. And if you don't respond, her eyes will follow you, and she would babble more and wave more until you give her some sort of response. How could anyone not melt when they see such a cute baby?

12. She loves to dance and is very rhythmic. Every time the music is on, whether she sits or stands, she automatically shakes her body, bounces up and down and swings her head.

13. Got her very first cut by Daddy who didn't cut her bang evenly.


Here are some photos of Ashley during this month.








Hehe, look what I got!!
















Hey, what is that inside my shirt???!!!!













Hmmm, I think I ate too much for lunch!!!















Cerisa, Mommy and me. Mommy is getting a bicep workout!
















After a bad, uneven hair cut from Daddy. I still look SOOO cute though!




















Hey, where are you going?




















Mission Destruction in progress.

Birth of Ashley 3

During the drive to the hospital, I was still silent and contractions just hit harder and harder. I couldn't breath, couldn't talk and every inch of my body just seemed to be in pain. The idea of doing natural birth started to shake, I mumbled to AJ, "I don't know how long I am going to last without epidural. I think I'm going to ask for epidural. This is too much to handle."

I remember us rushed pass the security at the hospital as they could see in the pain in my face. In the elevator, I had to bend over and lean on the wall as the contraction struck again. It really felt like the end of everything.

It took a while before the nurse checked us in and she ran the same tests as the first time.

"You're now 4 cm dilated and 100% effaced."

"What?! That's all? It has been more than 10 hours since I was checked last. I was at 2 cm and 35%!" I cried out.

I thought to myself, geez, all that pain went to effacement, and only 2 more cm? I couldn't imagine how much more painful it would get and how much longer it would take to be 10 cm dilated? Another 20 hours? or more???

At that point, I knew I had to ask for epidural.

"On the scale of 1 to 10, 10 best the most painful. What's your pain level?" The nurse asked again.

"10! 10! 10! 10!" I screamed without any hesitation. Really, is there 20? It felt like 20!!!

"Do you want epidural?"

"YES! PLEASE!"

"Ok, we'll check you in. The time has come."

Finally, more than 20 hours after the contraction started, I was checked to a hospital room. It was August 30, 2009 around 2PM.

The hospital I went to is a teaching hospital and residents are the ones who give epidural. I always felt very uncomfortable having resident applying epidural on me. So I wanted to ask for the attending physician.

The anesthesiologist soon after I was checked in. He started giving me a bunch of information and asking some questions. I remember one of the questions was,

"What was your pain level on the scale of 1 to 10?"

"10! 10! 10!" Geez, can't you guys just give me the epidural??!!

Once he finished asking questions. It was my turn to interview him.

"What year are you on as a resident?"

"3rd"

"How many epidural have you done?"

"About 200."

"What was the worse come out from your patient?"

"...."

"Well, I'm sorry, I don't feel too comfortable having a resident to give me epidural. Can I have the attending physician to do it?"

"Any particular reason why you don't feel uncomfortable about it?"

"Not really. I just don't feel comfortable."

After a phone call, he said, "OK, the attending physician will come."

While the nurse and the resident were preparing me for the epidural, the attending physician came. For some reason, my body started to shake uncontrollably. "My body is shaking, I can't hold it still!" I cried out in panic.

"It's normal, it's due to the hormones from the labor. It's ok. Just relax and breath." Someone replied.

I guessed the doctor could feel that I was tensed and starting asking where everyone was from originally. It turned out that AJ is from Australia, the nurse is from Ireland, the attending physician is from England, the resident is from Oklahoma, and I'm from China.

"What an international delivery room!" Someone commented.

While my focus was shifted during the conversation, the resident finished applying epidural while the physician watched. I realized it wasn't the attending physician who did it, but it turned out pretty good, but I didn't bother to press the issue.

I had learned from the birth class that there is a button on the epidural line that the patient can click for more dosage if needed. So, I asked the anesthesiologist where that button is. I know, I know, this is 180 degree from doing natural birth without pain medicine, but the pain was really unbearable. He showed me where the button was, and I asked,

"What if I click too much and overdosed?"

"Well, it's computer controlled. It doesn't really give much more. It's probably more psychological than anything."

Soon after I got the epidural, I couldn't feel the pain anymore. 5 minutes afterwards, the anaesthesiologist came in and asked again what my pain level was now.

"0! 0! I can't feel any pain! I should have this a long time ago!"

Epidural is truly amazing. After I got it, I couldn't feel any pain. In fact, I couldn't feel any contraction. Every time the contraction, AJ by looking at all those monitors behind me would tell me, "Here comes another contraction." Finally I got to relax and rest a bit after more than 20 hours labor without epidural.

For a while, the labor was very uneventful except around 3:30PM, the water broke. Half hour later, while resting, we heard some sort of alarm went on, but no one came in. So I called the nurse, she came in, ran a couple of tests on the monitor and left. The alarm must have gone off a couple of more times, the nurse was pretty calm, ran some tests and didn't mentioned if there was any problem. Another hour went by, the alarm went off again and the nurse come, ran some tests again and said to me,

"It looks like the epidural slows down the contractions. We are going to use Pitocin speed up the labor."

Not long after the Pitocin was used, the alarm went off again. And this time, it was pretty loud. All the sudden, 4 or 5 nurses rushed to my room, each all doing some sort of tests and 1 nurse started to ask what my blood type was. I had to say, they were all very calm and professional, at least they didn't make me feel nervous.

Finally, my nurse said to me, "Looks like the baby can't handle the labor. Every time the contraction comes, baby's heart rate went down to 60 to 70."

60 to 70??!! The normal baby heart rate is supposed to be between 120 to 150. I started getting a bit worried.

"Is it because we use Pitocin?"

"No, even before that, the baby's heart rate went down as well. The heart rate recovers after the contraction. We normally give 30mm of Pitocin, and we only started 5mm with you. It happened almost every contraction."

AJ mentioned that he could see it from the monitor that one graph showed the contraction and one showed the heart rate and it seemed though the curves went on different directions with contractions. And we were both worried at this time.

"Well, I called your doctor, and she said we might need to do C-section. She'll come and talk to you"

C-section? It was my last reserve. I didn't really want to do it unless it's necessary.

My doctor came and explained more about the situation to me.

"It looks labor is putting the baby in stressed. The heart rate really went down quite a bit. It might be worse. C-section is an option. And you get to see the baby soon!"

"Are there any other options?"

"Well, we can wait and see what happens. But really, this is not true emergency yet, and I can take my time to make the cut and then stitches up. In the real emergency case, we have to rush to take out the baby in a couple of minutes and I might not have the time to do that."

"Can I think about it?" I still hesitated about having C-section.

"Sure, but I'm really worried about the baby." The doctor said.

Once I heard that, all the hesitations went away. The baby's safety is my first priority. "OK, let's do it then!"

Later on, we all found out that this probably turned out it was the best decision I had ever made.

It was around 6 PM on Saturday, August 30th, 2009, more than 24 hours since the contraction started, 4 hours after I checked in to the hospital room, 3 hours after I got epidural. I should have gotten the epidural much earlier had I know that I was going to end up with C-section. Really, you can't predict what can happen in a labor.

Pretty soon, I got to see my baby!

From Memory Lane

Yesterday I happened to come across some old photos from a friend of mine in college. Looking through these photos, it brings back lots and lots of memories. The memory started peeling like layers of an onion. It was the memory of youth, the memory of carelessness, the memory of fun and the memory of friendship.

Although I hardly keep on touch with some of those friends on the regular bases, but these friendships are probably some of the strongest relationships one can ever have. I know deep down my heart, if I ever needed their help, I can just pick up the phone and call them.

I can't believe how young I used to look and how fast time flies. Thank you my dear friends for your friendships and the wonderful memories. So, here are some old photos from the memory lane (courtesy of Patricia Halgas).



I believe this photo was taken at the Faculty Roast at the end of senior year. Basically, we the students roast each faculty and give out weird awards. Didn't I look SO young?!!!






This photo was taken at the graduation party at John Gianvittorio's (1st from the left) house. I remember John used to come in to the class late and always sat in the front of class. He always had some sort of food and was never shy of eating it in front of the entire class. John, Robert (4th from left) and I were the only 3 continued to graduate schools. John went to UCLA and earned his PHD, I guess we have to call him Dr. G, but you know, we'll always call him John. Robert, like all of us, has BSEE degree, but he went on to get his mater's degree in film making in USC. He's now a producer and won't surprise me he wins an Oscar one day. I went on to Georgia Institute of Technology, earned my MSEE and came to California. I remember 3 of us were visiting graduate schools together. We started out in east coast and made it all the way here in the west coast.




This photo was taken in the EE student lounge, where we used to hang out after class. We spent countless sleepless nights there studying for exams and working on projects. I think this was for someone's birthday. I remember Patty (5th from left, back row) is an excellent baker. She used to bake this amazing cheese cake and brought it in to the class. I now got her secret recipe for the cheese cake, but of course it would never be the same as hers.


This photo was taken during the senior design presentation. Patty, Tom (1st from right), Frank, Lan and I were in the same team. James (1st from left, Ted (2nd from left) and John (2nd from right) were in the same team??? Our design won the 3rd place, I don't remember any price though.






Us girls in EE. We are probably half of the female population in EE, 10 fingers are more than enough to count us. Patty(left on the back), Mae (Right on the back), Phuong (left on the front) and me. Mae, Phu and I met at the beginning of our freshman year. We used to call each other MaeMae, PhuPhu and LingLing, and we wanted to start a club called PhuMaeLing. We were each other's support and we knew each other's life stories. MaeMae is probably one of the strongest and toughest girls I have ever met. She's now working for IBM and living in Vermont. PhuPhu was one of the funniest people I have ever met. She always knew how to make people laugh and always brought smiles to people. Unfortunately, she died in a tragic car accident at the beautiful, young age of 24. I'll always remember her smiles and her beauty. PhuPhu, I know you would continue your laughters and smiles in heaven.






Me, MaeMae and Patty at Bill B's wedding several years ago, many years after we graduated.














There are still so many good friends in my memory book not shown on these photos and so many stories to tell for each everyone of them. Unfortunately I do not have their photos in hand, but each everyone of you still lives in my memory and these memories are to last for a long long time.

Birth of Ashley 2

How can anyone sleep with on-going contractions?

Of course, I couldn't. I was tired and exhausted, I wanted to sleep. But every time I fell asleep, contractions would wake me up. They were getting more painful and painful. I just tossed and turned the whole time on the bed.

How can I describe the pain? Well, honestly, no word can describe it. I always thought of myself as someone who's very strong physically, and that I have high tolerance for pain. But this pain was way beyond what I could ever imagine.

Around 3:00 AM Saturday, it was getting very bad, so I woke up AJ, "Time to go to hospital! Baby is coming!" The whole way to the hospital, I was very quite, didn't say a word. The pain basically consumed me, I just wanted to arrive the hospital as soon as possible and didn't want to waste any energy talking.

The nurse checked us in and ran some basic tests. I was 2 cm dilated and 35% effaced (thinning of cervix). "What? That's all? All that pain?" I thought to myself.

"On the scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the most painful, what's your pain level now?" The nurse asked.

"10! 10! 10!" I responded in pain.

"Do you want any epidural?"

"Epidural? No, I'm going to try natural birth first." I answered. I didn't want any intervention of medicine unless it's necessary, so I always planned a natural birth. Well, at least I wanted to give it a try.

"Hmm, well..., " the nurse continued, "You are now just at the beginning of active labor and natural birth takes a long time. Normally we don't accept patients with natural birth plan until they're further away in the labor. We can't give you any medicine to help with labor if you don't want to have epidural. So, we have 2 choices here, you can either go home and come back later when you're further in the labor. Or you can walk around here for 2 hours and we can check your progress then."

Silence, my brain was spinning around fast. My mom was coming in about 4 hours, I still wanted to pick her up from the airport. And I didn't want to walk around for 2 hours, the pain was very bad, but not the end of the world. After consulting with AJ, we decided to go home. So the nurse give me some pain medicines and we came back home. It was around 5AM then.

The pain medicine didn't help anything. The pain was getting worse and worse. I couldn't sleep of course. I was just lying on the bed, holding onto my tummy, bending my legs together, letting the contractions come by and waiting for the time to go to the airport.

Finally around 8:30 AM, we got up and drove to SFO to pick up my mom. The contraction was hitting harder and harder, the pain seemed to double as before. I couldn't talk even if I wanted to. I felt like I couldn't breath. You know all those techniques you learned from the birth class seemed to be useless. At those moments, you just wanted the pain to go away right then. Every second seemed like an hour.

The walk from the parking garage to the terminal seemed like from the earth to the moon. I held on to AJ on one hand, and the other holding on to anything I could grab, the wall, the railing, you name it. Every once a while, I would stop and say, "Wait, contraction is here!" and put my whole body on the wall. Finally I located my mom amongst a crowd, once I found her, I just sat down. It was too painful to be standing up. I bet the whole airport was looking at me funny. I don't quite remember how I could ever make it back to the car while in the active labor. All I remember is that I basically had to on to AJ and my mom on each side of me, and with each step I felt as if baby's head was pushing further and further down.

There is more silence on the way back. The pain was too much, the sweat started to drop like rain fall and my back started hurt quite a bit. Once I got home, I went to lay on the bed immediately, the pressure was just too much to handle.

The contractions were getting very painful. With each contraction, it felt like my body was being pulling apart and then contracting together. It was so painful that the sweat just broke down. I don't think I can even sweat that much from a hard cardio workout.

My mom started cooking for lunch although I didn't think I was able to eat, but she insisted of me eating some food for energy. It was proven to be a mistake later on. I couldn't chew, couldn't swallow any food. I didn't have any energy to talk. Even opening my mouth seemed to be painful. It was the longest meal I ever had. The sweat kept on coming nonstop with more and more frequent contractions. I couldn't imagine how other women did it, it was way too painful than I could ever deal with.

Time must be frozen for a while since I didn't remember much. Around 1 PM, it was very obvious that the baby had dropped much further down in the tummy. So I said to AJ, "I think it's time to go back to the hospital."

So here we were, 10 hours after the first visit to the hospital, we were on our way again and hopefully by the time we came back, we came back as three.

Birth of Ashley 1

Ashley's birthday is coming up soon next month (can you believe it?). There were so many stories about her birth and yet, I haven't written down anything. So, here I am, thinking that while these memories are still fresh, I'd better write them down before they fade away.
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I can still remember vividly the week leading towards Ashley's birth, the week of August 25th, 2008. It was a scorching hot summer week, one of those few weeks we get in Northern California once a while. It was so hot that you feel so uncomfortable to stay indoor; the entire house feels like sitting on a hot oven; you sweat right away the very first moment you get out of the shower, and the air seems to be still.

I took 2 weeks off prior to the due date, now thinking about it, I should have taken the whole 4 weeks off. During the week, I went out everyday to get the last minute stuff ready for the baby. At the end of each day, I was exhausted, and the heat didn't help.

At the beginning of the week during the regular checkup, I was already 1cm dilated. At the time, I asked the doctor if this was the sign that the baby might be coming this week. The doctor answered, "No, it doesn't mean much. The baby can come anytime. It could be this week, next week, or the week after."

Thursday night was hot as any other day. For some strange reason, I insisted to have watermelon and it was 10 o'clock at night. I had the need to have it that particular night. So AJ and I walked over to Lucky's and carried two big watermelon home (of course, I didn't do much of carrying). By the time we got home and finally had some watermelon, it was probably about 11PM.

Friday was hot as well. Contractions started kicking in Friday morning. It started very slow and mild and came every once and by the afternoon, it started to come a little bit more frequent. I still had to get some stuff from Walgreens, so I decided to walk to Walgreens in the hot, sizzling sun.

The tummy seemed to be getting heavier and heavier with each step. The breathe was getting shorter and shorter. The contractions came every now and then and my feet was getting heavier and sore. It seemed ages before I reached Walgreens. By the time I got home, I was completely exhausted and hit the bed right away.

By the time AJ came home around 5PM, the contractions was becoming more regular. So I told him, "I think the baby is coming soon!"

My mom was flying in on the next morning Saturday, so I said, "We need to clean the condo!"
Well, you know what they all say about expectant moms have the urgency to clean right before the baby comes, it's very very true!

"I want to go out for dinner for last time together in the next 15 years!" I added.

AJ thought about it, and said, "Sure, but I want to go for a motorcycle ride for the last time."

"OK, how about we clean, then you go out for a ride, and we then go for dinner?"

So, believe it or not, while I was having contractions, we cleaned up the condo, AJ went out for a bike ride, I took a shower and by the time we went out for dinner, it was past 9PM.

I still remember the dinner. It was at Pasta Pomodoro. Instead of usual Frutti di Mare, I ordered Spaghetti Polpette (spaghetti with beef and pork meatballs). I must had thought that I needed the carbohydrate for the labor and didn't want to take any chances with bad seafood. It was a dinner I could never forget, every now and then during the dinner, I would said, "hold on, contraction is coming." And I would put my fork and spoon down, and hold my head. I could barely taste the food. At the time, the contraction was getting a bit painful, but it was still manageable. They came like every 10 -8 minutes, the doctor said to go to the hospital when the contractions come every 5 minutes. So, we knew it must be coming pretty soon.

I don't remember how we finished the dinner. By the time we got home, it must be almost 11 PM. So, we packed up the last minute stuff, and I called a friend to pick up my mom from the airport in case I was in labor the next morning.

All that set and done, we went to bed.